Psychology of success

O

oddiduro

Variants of this thread have been done before, but perhaps some of you successful traders can help this person.

A story, not necessarily my own.

I have turned the corner.

For five years, I have told friends and family that I was going to be a successful trader. None actually criticized, but all gave that knowing, "yeah, sure you are", look.

Since that time, I have been able to turn heavily profitable, enough to buy a few nice things. Lately, I seem to be under heavy scrutiny. It seems that many people are looking for the slightest sign of being "puffed up" by my success.

I have been the butt of many negative, "rich boy" comments. I come from a lower middle class environment. It seems that my peers are angry with me for having the audacity to accomplish my goals.

I have taken some remedial steps, such as not talking about my trades anymore. Now I am accused of being "secretive". If I talk about my trades, then I am "bragging". Even casual conversation is often interpreted as having some kind of hidden meaning.

I bought my girlfriend a Lexus. While she liked it, many of my family and friends accuse me of "showing off". Worse, some of them have begun to ask for money, since "I have so much of it, and I don't need all of it."

It is truly difficult and painful to believe that people you thought were you friends could be angry about something they have seen you toil at. Thousands of dollars, dozens of books, hundreds of manhours. Working two jobs for capitol. I didn't win the lottery. I earned this.

I fear that I am going to have to move away and start over. I had no idea that success had so many pitfalls. I almost want to unplug my system, give it all away, demonstate that I have nothing, so that I can feel "normal".

End of story.

Can this person salvage his past relationships? If so, how? Should he move? Does he need to find new friends? If so, from where? Can he be "normal" again?

ANY comments about this story would help my friend a great deal. I will print the thread and give it to him.

Happy new year

Regards
Oddi:)
 
Ya know what I did, I upped the swagger and sharpened the punk side of me. I can't stand pikers and if they gots problems, so be it, I couldn't care less.
 
Quote from Covertibility:

Ya know what I did, I upped the swagger and sharpened the punk side of me. I can't stand pikers and if they gots problems, so be it, I couldn't care less.
More...

What's a piker?
 
Quote from oddiduro:



Can this person salvage his past relationships? If so, how? Should he move? Does he need to find new friends? If so, from where? Can he be "normal" again?

Regards
Oddi:)
More...

I read a story a few years back about lottery winners. The common theme was loss of friends and estrangement from family. The two factors that came into play were jealousy and related to that, entitlement. Because of the windfall, those around the winner expected hand-outs. No was not an acceptable answer....

This may not be an apples-to-apples comparison but the root cause may be similar. While you can't pick your family, you can change your friends. The person in question should find new friends that also became successful from hard work and commitment to a goal. Successful people encourage others to also become successful, instead of getting jealous of it.
 
get use to it. no one ever tells you the animosity, jealousy, and outright hatred even a small amount of success will bring out in people.

the sheep hate to see someone different, particullarly when you use to be considered one of the herd.

best,

surfer
 
Quote from oddiduro:

I have turned the corner.
More...

It seems like this boils down to a choice on your part. If you decide to use your money to buy luxuries and numerous material items and thereby draw attention to yourself, then a natural reaction for everyone who doesn't have those things is to be jealous. The ones who are not jealous are the ones you will grow closer to.

Or you have the choice of living your life in a modest way, and knowing that you have reserves for situations that come in the future. If you don't go out of your way to show your wealth, then most of your previous relationships would presumably be unchanged.

You can't control the reaction of others, but you can control which path you go down. Each path has its own pros/cons.

If you want to go down the modest path, you can start telling people how you have hit a rough patch and you have lost a large portion of what you gained.
 
Quote from oddiduro:

Variants of this thread have been done before, but perhaps some of you successful traders can help this person.

A story, not necessarily my own.

I have turned the corner.

For five years, I have told friends and family that I was going to be a successful trader. None actually criticized, but all gave that knowing, "yeah, sure you are", look.

Since that time, I have been able to turn heavily profitable, enough to buy a few nice things. Lately, I seem to be under heavy scrutiny. It seems that many people are looking for the slightest sign of being "puffed up" by my success.

I have been the butt of many negative, "rich boy" comments. I come from a lower middle class environment. It seems that my peers are angry with me for having the audacity to accomplish my goals.

I have taken some remedial steps, such as not talking about my trades anymore. Now I am accused of being "secretive". If I talk about my trades, then I am "bragging". Even casual conversation is often interpreted as having some kind of hidden meaning.

I bought my girlfriend a Lexus. While she liked it, many of my family and friends accuse me of "showing off". Worse, some of them have begun to ask for money, since "I have so much of it, and I don't need all of it."

It is truly difficult and painful to believe that people you thought were you friends could be angry about something they have seen you toil at. Thousands of dollars, dozens of books, hundreds of manhours. Working two jobs for capitol. I didn't win the lottery. I earned this.

I fear that I am going to have to move away and start over. I had no idea that success had so many pitfalls. I almost want to unplug my system, give it all away, demonstate that I have nothing, so that I can feel "normal".

End of story.

Can this person salvage his past relationships? If so, how? Should he move? Does he need to find new friends? If so, from where? Can he be "normal" again?

ANY comments about this story would help my friend a great deal. I will print the thread and give it to him.

Happy new year

Regards
Oddi:)
More...

believe it or not - this is indeed a great situation - you've been working very hard - you are successfull now - AND as a bonus - this new situation disclosed who REALLY is your friend and who is not. congratulations - find new (true) friends - if you need them - and forget alle the rest.

good trading to you and a happy new year!
 
The person in question may consider himself lucky in a way. Some people have to go through a prolonged period of adversity before they find out who their friends are. All else being equal, I think it is better to find out the way your friend did. Assuming he is still essentially the person he was before his newfound success, then his friends did not really change. They just revealed themselves. He now knows what he did not know before. Regardless of the outcome, that is always a good thing.

On the other hand, if the newly successful person's character has changed, then he can only expect that those around him will respond accordingly. Is your friend still basically the same guy he was before he came into money?
 
Quote from oddiduro:

A story, not necessarily my own.

I have turned the corner.

Oddi:)
More...

Perhaps not.
The people who I consider successful, and gain my respect and admiration, are the ones who also have a huge humility streak in their personality.
For some reason, this trait makes them more "real" like.
 
Tell your buddy to get some new friends and while he's at it have him check into getting some much needed self confidence.

He needs his old friends back to "feel normal"?? This attitude is probably why everyone resents him in the first place. It's not because he has money, it is because he resembles fine china..............he's "easily breakable".

True friends would be happy. What is really sad is how your friend is portraying himself as a martyr for his success.

"mo money, mo problems." Please???
 
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