Thanks, mindtrade, for your feedback. I had the same experiences as you, where you say:
"I decided to trade it live this month but NOT ONE day did I follow the system completely. I traded discretionary and it has almost blown out my account. I have now stopped trading futures and is sim testing my strategy live for a few months. I feel like I lack faith in the system so it makes me think I can do better. The truth is I have done 1000% worse when I look back at the trades. It is a deeply routed problem I have I kept telling myself I would not interfere but I would do so anyway. It has made me aware of my personality flaws."
Things you say that make me think deeper are: "lack of faith in the system". Forward tests help you solve this problem. In other words, let it run and record its trades and see how good they are.
You have done "1000% worse"? Let me tell you. The system makes 100% percent in one month, and I lose 50% (the equivalent $) in 2 days. Then the system miraculously manages to make another 50% in two weeks, then I step in and lose 33% (the equivalent $) in one day (achieved by reversing one of his signals, because it was going short in what seemed an oversold market, and yet it still would have made money). How did I achieve these horrible results? Simple. I tend to pick tops and bottoms, way too early, and once it goes against me, I double up - basically I never learned any profitable discretionary method. My method is following my instincts, which results in doing the opposite of what works. I end up letting losses run (even doubling up losing positions) and cutting profits short.
You also say "It is a deeply routed problem I have I kept telling myself I would not interfere but I would do so anyway. It has made me aware of my personality flaws". I agree and have the same problems. What I am doing to fight this sick behaviour is this. I turn it on in the morning, before 8.00 (CET), and do not touch it nor look at it until 23.00, when I shut it down, and take care of saving data and so on. I don't know whether it will work. If it doesn't, it will mean that I want to lose, pretty much. By now it's clear that the system is better than me. The system keeps getting better (because I work on it, rationally, meticulously, tirelessly), whereas my discretionary trading never got any better. I know the markets better, but my trading doesn't get any better. My tendency as a discretionary trader is to blow out my account every month - and I think it will never change. Just like I have always been scratching my head, and I think I will keep on doing it all my life. Just like some people smoke, and never quit. Other people are overweight, and can't get in shape. There are some weaknesses we all have. I believe that everyone of us has some problems that depend on his will, and that they don't solve because they really actually do not want to solve them deep inside. Like you can't beg for money in the street even if you needed money, or like you can't be rude, even if it were reasonable to be rude. There are things that our mind keeps us from doing. I think it applies to everyone. The trick in my opinion is to avoid them rather than trying to force yourself to become a different person. If you can't trade discretionary because you tend to do the wrong things, simply do not trade discretionary - that's what I am trying to tell myself.