Political Jokes

H

hapaboy

Given the sensitivities of so many ET'ers about politics, I thought it best to post political jokes in a thread of their own, so as not to kill dgabriel's fine "Jokes" thread with heated political mud-slinging.

Use this thread instead to joke all you want about Bush, Clinton, Coulter, Monica Lewinsky, etc, etc....

To start things off:

Q: What did Teddy Kennedy say when asked if he would consider ever running for President?

A: He said he'd have to drive off that bridge when he got to it.
 
"Bush met with former President Jimmy Carter. Jimmy Carter is 76 years old, or as Democrats call him 'their bright new star of the future.'" —David Letterman


"The Democrats said today that if they were in power they could get Israel to pull out of Palestine. Oh shut up. They couldn't even get Bill to pull out of Monica." —Jay Leno


"It gives new meaning to affirmative action. She said, 'Do you want some action?' He said, 'Affirmative.'" —Jay Leno, on Jesse Jackson's extramarital affair.
 
An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board but only 4 parachutes.



The first passenger said, "I'm Kobe Bryant, the best NBA player. The Lakers need me; I can't afford to die." So he took the first pack and left the plane.



The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, said, "I am the wife of the former President of the United States, I am the most ambitious woman in the world, I am also a New York Senator and a potential future President." She just took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.



The third passenger, George W. Bush, said, "I'm President of the United States. I have a great responsibility being the leader of a superpower nation. And above all I am the cleverest President in American history, so America's people won't let me die." So he put on the pack next to him and jumped out of the plane.



The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a 10 year-old school boy, "I am old and frail and I don't have many years left. As a Christian I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."



The boy said, "It's okay, there's a parachute left for you. America's cleverest President has taken my school backpack."
 
These ones posted by dgabriel were ok:

President Bush dies and goes to the gates of Heaven. Saint Peter asks who's there. "George W. Bush," he replies. Saint Peter asks for proof. "I'm the president of the United States," Bush protests. Saint Peter says that Mozart, Picasso and Einstein had to prove who they were. "Who were they?" asks Bush, bewildered. "Come right in, George," replies Saint Peter.

"There's now speculation in Washington that President Bush is planning to increase the economic sanctions on Iraq. And let me tell you if they are half as tough as the economic sanctions Bush has imposed on this country, they are screwed."

Yesterday, the State Department released a list of all the gifts President Bush has received since becoming president. Gift number one, the election."

-- the other one he posted wasn't that good, but I got that Bob Dylan tune in my head and I came up with this. (Advance apologies to Kymar for an 'avowed America-hater' like me (so the story goes) for listening to Dylan (and typing away on an Intel based PC))

-- Here comes the story of Saddam Hussein
The man the authorities came to blame
For something that he never even had
They were all gone thanks to Bush's dad...
 
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