Quote from Pa(b)st Prime:
OMG, you made The Onion!!
White Douchebag Orders Hamburger Without Incident
As a dozen stunned onlookers watched, a former hedge fund trader turned aspiring slumlord, purchased a pastrami burger in broad daylight yesterday without being shot.
The man, identified as a Dr. Zhivodka of Incline Village, NV risked his life at a popular North Hollywood hamburger stand Thursday afternoon.
"Thing's got a bit tense for a moment" said Zhivodka who is visiting the Los Angeles area in search of multi-family investment properties. "Perhaps I took a little too long deciding if I should go with the Orange Bang and the next thing I know a gangbanger was standing right in back of me."
Zhivodka defused the potentially volatile situation with the street smarts he developed years ago when he too rose from the mean streets of the San Fernando Valley. "I lived many years in Sherman Oaks so I've driven through Reseda dozens of times" said Zhivodka, who for the past decade has lived in an exclusive all-white community just west of the California border above the shores of Lake Tahoe.
"Believe me I was shaking on the inside but I put on my best street cred, white liberal persona and asked the kid if he too would like to order."
The gang member, identified as Darius McCullum of neighboring Van Nuys said he appreciated the outreach. "Truth is when I saw the motherfuckers wristwatch I was thinkin' 'bout jackin' his white ass in the parking lot but he made such a big deal outta me bein there that I figured witnesses would place me on the scene. Besides I was holdin an eight ball so I didn't need any motherfuckin hassles."
