I guess it's an ego thing. I feel a greater need to prove my winners, and it also makes me feel good to put them on display. The major reason that I didn't post the screenshots for the past two days is embarrassment; I didn't want people to see the exact entry/exit times. Specifically, I didn't want comments about what I did wrong or what I should have done. So while I'm honest about losses, I don't like to hear criticism about them. Usually I already know the mistakes that I made, and I don't want to be asked why I ignored such and such indicator or chart formation when I don't even use that stuff. I take losses personally and I'm my own worst critic, but I can't stand to be criticized by those hiding behind the cloak of anonymity. On a different note, I like the "This has been downloaded X time(s)." feature because it gives me a greater sense of accountability when I can see that people are actually reading the journal. So to answer your question, I guess it's just my own selfish reasons. Please forgive my flaws and let this subject rest.
NQ Trades
- Thread starter AFterburner
- Start date
I guess it's an ego thing. I feel a greater need to prove my winners, and it also makes me feel good to put them on display. The major reason that I didn't post the screenshots for the past two days is embarrassment; I didn't want people to see the exact entry/exit times. Specifically, I didn't want comments about what I did wrong or what I should have done. So while I'm honest about losses, I don't like to hear criticism about them. Usually I already know the mistakes that I made, and I don't want to be asked why I ignored such and such indicator or chart formation when I don't even use that stuff. I take losses personally and I'm my own worst critic, but I can't stand to be criticized by those hiding behind the cloak of anonymity. On a different note, I like the "This has been downloaded X time(s)." feature because it gives me a greater sense of accountability when I can see that people are actually reading the journal. So to answer your question, I guess it's just my own selfish reasons. Please forgive my flaws and let this subject rest.
Think of Pete Sampras. We all agree he was/is (he retired recently, didn't he) very talented in tennis skills and tactics. I dare to say that probably there were other tennis players even more talented playing at the same time. Even though, Pete was able to collect more trophies than any other player before him.
To me, Pete's real talent was in being able to motivate and discipline himself, take his losses and always come back.
To me, Pete's real talent was in being able to motivate and discipline himself, take his losses and always come back.
Excellent journal Afterburner, I read it religiously everyday! I am impressed with your honesty in posting your trades, winners and losers, each day. It would not be easy for me to do. I take it, your greatest challenge at this time is to maintain a fixed stop loss, maybe the IB rep can answer that question for you, regarding being automatically stopped out after 7 points. Although, I was thinking that if you have trouble honoring your hard stops now, you would probably find a way to work around any automatic stop that was placed by someone else as well.
Thanks for sharing your journal, have you found a goal yet that you care about?
Thanks for sharing your journal, have you found a goal yet that you care about?
Originally I had thought that the tape was pointing up, but I couldn't find a decent entry. I kept waiting for a entry, but I couldn't find one. Any upward momentum that was left died after 2:00 EST. The worst part is that the market didn't want to go down either. I kept waiting for it to do something, but nothing worthwhile was happening. I have the goal of trying to make this a positive week, so finally I tried to force something with 20 contracts.
Trade 1 (BOT 1372 SLD 1372.5) This trade was trash. While I was in this trade I started to get a bearish feeling which led to Trade 2.
Trade 2 (SLD 1372.5 BOT 1372) I actually thought this was going to work out. It went to 70X70.5 at which point it hit a brick wall. I was looking for it to break through 1370, but it didn't happen. I tried to give it as much slack as possible, but I couldn't risk a loss on this trade.
I feel like I've wasted my afternoon. I guess the inactivity could best be explained by lack of commitment ahead of the employment report, but I view it as a bearish signal. Anyway, I'm going to attempt to yank about 8-10 points with 20 contracts tomorrow morning. I'm serious about my goal and I need to do everything in my power to achieve it. I need to devote my efforts strictly towards loss management, and let the tape and market action take care of the profits. I'm going to use hard profit targets so that I can't be deceived by greed. Hopefully the tape gives me a strong clear signal. To avoid being hurt by reversals, I'm going to segment the trade and exit at the first sign of resistance.
Trade 1 (BOT 1372 SLD 1372.5) This trade was trash. While I was in this trade I started to get a bearish feeling which led to Trade 2.
Trade 2 (SLD 1372.5 BOT 1372) I actually thought this was going to work out. It went to 70X70.5 at which point it hit a brick wall. I was looking for it to break through 1370, but it didn't happen. I tried to give it as much slack as possible, but I couldn't risk a loss on this trade.
I feel like I've wasted my afternoon. I guess the inactivity could best be explained by lack of commitment ahead of the employment report, but I view it as a bearish signal. Anyway, I'm going to attempt to yank about 8-10 points with 20 contracts tomorrow morning. I'm serious about my goal and I need to do everything in my power to achieve it. I need to devote my efforts strictly towards loss management, and let the tape and market action take care of the profits. I'm going to use hard profit targets so that I can't be deceived by greed. Hopefully the tape gives me a strong clear signal. To avoid being hurt by reversals, I'm going to segment the trade and exit at the first sign of resistance.
I would like to thank everyone for their continued support. I haven't found a long term goal, but right now I'm dedicated to attaining a net positive week. I may never have long term goal, but if I can have a constant series of smaller goals that will be acceptable. I need to feel like I have something to strive for each day.
I failed to meet my goal. Today I violated my cardinal rule of trading: Trust the tape and lean not on your own understanding. This morning I could not comprehend how the tape could be pointing up. I waited 15 minutes for the selling to begin. I received nothing except a clear buy signal. I couldn't believe my eyes. I tend to be a logical thinker, and I just didn't have the faith that I needed to believe the tape was pointing up when everything else seemed to indicate otherwise.
Trade 0 (SLD 1379 BOT 1378.5) Yesterday in the evening session, I thought I saw a good opportunity to go short. However, I really couldn't justify this trade because it went against the type of trading that I am doing right now. Consequently, I put in an order to buy at 1378.5 and it was filled within a few minutes.
Trade 1 (BOT 1364 SLD 1364.5) [8:44:23 - 8:46:43] This is the only trade I made today that I didn't have a valid reason to exit. I'm not just saying that because it would have worked out either. I was just plain scared, and I couldn't manage to trust the tape wholeheartedly.
Trade 2 (BOT 1366 SLD 1366.5) [08:47:16 - 08:48:42] I felt like an idiot for exiting Trade 1, but I still wasn't prepared for this trade.
Trade 3 (BOT 1368 SLD 1368.5) [08:59:44 - 09:01:30] Chasing the market.
Trade 4 (BOT 1368 SLD 1371) [09:10:31 - 09:18:29] Thankfully this trade moved quickly enough away from my entry that I didn't have time to exit prematurely out of fear. Unfortunately I exited because I thought that I would be able to re-enter at a better price instead of based on market action.
Trade 5 (BOT 1373 SLD 1373.5) [09:20:20 - 09:21:47] Chasing the market.
Trade 6 (BOT 1374 SLD 1374.5) [09:26:24 - 09:27:25] Chasing the market.
Trade 7 (BOT 1377 SLD 1378) [09:33:13 - 10:23:54] Chasing the market. This trade had the worst entry, but I think that I managed this trade the best. Immediately after entry I knew that I had been a victim of chasing the market. However, I was determined to stay in this trade as long as the tape was still pointing up (I wish that I had thought of this earlier). Anyway, it went to 71X71.5 then came back up to 77.5X78 then went back down to 72.5X73 and came back up to 79X79.5 at which point the tape was no longer pointing up. It wasn't pointing down yet, but the buying force dried up. After this trade my nerves were completely shot and I decided to take a break.
Trade 8 (SLD 1359.5 BOT 1359) [13:12:27 - 13:13:25] I resumed trading at 1:30 EST, and was disappointed to see that I had missed a 20 point decline. Anyway, I got an uneasy feeling after I entered this trade, so I got out immediately. I think that the tape changed direction after this trade, yet I continued to try and go short. I think that this trade was my downfall. Immediately after I exited, the market plunged to 1355. At this point I slipped into my self destructive cycle because I felt entitled to what I had missed.
Trade 9 (SLD 1361 BOT 1360.5) [14:01:43 - 14:07:37] Desperation play.
Trade 10 (SLD 1360 BOT 1359.5) [14:14:46 - 14:15:12] Desperation play.
Trade 11 (SLD 1363 BOT 1366) [14:26:06 - 15:14:44] Desperation play. This trade was initiated purely out of greed. I wanted to try to get back last Friday's losses as well, but I only managed to sabotage the entire operation. The worst part is that it was contrary to the tape and I knew it, but did nothing because I had an idiotic plan that I'll explain later.
I feel like such an idiot. I just could not manage to get my act together today. My other major problem is that sometimes when I am extremely confused, I use my past experience to think about a day that was similar in market action so that I can use it as a template. I chose Friday, June 27, 2003. Today and June 27 were extremely similar except that today the sell off in the last 15 minutes didn't follow through into the after hours period. The reason that Trade 11 makes me so mad at myself is because I could have exited at 1362 (a profit) in the after hours, but I was holding out for 1359. If that's not being greedy then I don't know what is. Another thing is that I have the bad habit of revising my goals in the middle of the day after I've already met the original goal. This has always been extremely counterproductive.
In case anyone is wondering, the executions screenshot was too large to post.
Trade 0 (SLD 1379 BOT 1378.5) Yesterday in the evening session, I thought I saw a good opportunity to go short. However, I really couldn't justify this trade because it went against the type of trading that I am doing right now. Consequently, I put in an order to buy at 1378.5 and it was filled within a few minutes.
Trade 1 (BOT 1364 SLD 1364.5) [8:44:23 - 8:46:43] This is the only trade I made today that I didn't have a valid reason to exit. I'm not just saying that because it would have worked out either. I was just plain scared, and I couldn't manage to trust the tape wholeheartedly.
Trade 2 (BOT 1366 SLD 1366.5) [08:47:16 - 08:48:42] I felt like an idiot for exiting Trade 1, but I still wasn't prepared for this trade.
Trade 3 (BOT 1368 SLD 1368.5) [08:59:44 - 09:01:30] Chasing the market.
Trade 4 (BOT 1368 SLD 1371) [09:10:31 - 09:18:29] Thankfully this trade moved quickly enough away from my entry that I didn't have time to exit prematurely out of fear. Unfortunately I exited because I thought that I would be able to re-enter at a better price instead of based on market action.
Trade 5 (BOT 1373 SLD 1373.5) [09:20:20 - 09:21:47] Chasing the market.
Trade 6 (BOT 1374 SLD 1374.5) [09:26:24 - 09:27:25] Chasing the market.
Trade 7 (BOT 1377 SLD 1378) [09:33:13 - 10:23:54] Chasing the market. This trade had the worst entry, but I think that I managed this trade the best. Immediately after entry I knew that I had been a victim of chasing the market. However, I was determined to stay in this trade as long as the tape was still pointing up (I wish that I had thought of this earlier). Anyway, it went to 71X71.5 then came back up to 77.5X78 then went back down to 72.5X73 and came back up to 79X79.5 at which point the tape was no longer pointing up. It wasn't pointing down yet, but the buying force dried up. After this trade my nerves were completely shot and I decided to take a break.
Trade 8 (SLD 1359.5 BOT 1359) [13:12:27 - 13:13:25] I resumed trading at 1:30 EST, and was disappointed to see that I had missed a 20 point decline. Anyway, I got an uneasy feeling after I entered this trade, so I got out immediately. I think that the tape changed direction after this trade, yet I continued to try and go short. I think that this trade was my downfall. Immediately after I exited, the market plunged to 1355. At this point I slipped into my self destructive cycle because I felt entitled to what I had missed.
Trade 9 (SLD 1361 BOT 1360.5) [14:01:43 - 14:07:37] Desperation play.
Trade 10 (SLD 1360 BOT 1359.5) [14:14:46 - 14:15:12] Desperation play.
Trade 11 (SLD 1363 BOT 1366) [14:26:06 - 15:14:44] Desperation play. This trade was initiated purely out of greed. I wanted to try to get back last Friday's losses as well, but I only managed to sabotage the entire operation. The worst part is that it was contrary to the tape and I knew it, but did nothing because I had an idiotic plan that I'll explain later.
I feel like such an idiot. I just could not manage to get my act together today. My other major problem is that sometimes when I am extremely confused, I use my past experience to think about a day that was similar in market action so that I can use it as a template. I chose Friday, June 27, 2003. Today and June 27 were extremely similar except that today the sell off in the last 15 minutes didn't follow through into the after hours period. The reason that Trade 11 makes me so mad at myself is because I could have exited at 1362 (a profit) in the after hours, but I was holding out for 1359. If that's not being greedy then I don't know what is. Another thing is that I have the bad habit of revising my goals in the middle of the day after I've already met the original goal. This has always been extremely counterproductive.
In case anyone is wondering, the executions screenshot was too large to post.
AFterburner:
I'm sure you probably realize this already but just in case not....
Has your choice of trades or deviating from your rules occurred after increasing your position size?
I have noticed when increasing my position size I become obsessed with not taking a loss because I realize a loss of x amount will lower my account value faster than x amount of profit previously with smaller size. Also unfortunately I will try and scalp to get these small losses back.
I'm sure many will differ but I view a scalp as any trade with less than a potential of 1/3 of the average daily range.
I also think of scalping as a drug or alcohol addiction that one has slipped back in to and on the road to destruction.
As for your 9/04 post looking for 8-10 points I have found that setting goals in other lines of work works very well but in trading it tends to make me alter the plan to achieve the goal which seldom works out.
I look at it as follow the plan,follow the plan, take a few small losses here and there and every so often you will be on the right side of a major move. Put your seatbelt on and hold on for the ride!Those are the days that will build your account!
By the way your journal has been great.
PS I know there are successful scalpers out there but I have found it's just not for me.
I'm sure you probably realize this already but just in case not....
Has your choice of trades or deviating from your rules occurred after increasing your position size?
I have noticed when increasing my position size I become obsessed with not taking a loss because I realize a loss of x amount will lower my account value faster than x amount of profit previously with smaller size. Also unfortunately I will try and scalp to get these small losses back.
I'm sure many will differ but I view a scalp as any trade with less than a potential of 1/3 of the average daily range.
I also think of scalping as a drug or alcohol addiction that one has slipped back in to and on the road to destruction.
As for your 9/04 post looking for 8-10 points I have found that setting goals in other lines of work works very well but in trading it tends to make me alter the plan to achieve the goal which seldom works out.
I look at it as follow the plan,follow the plan, take a few small losses here and there and every so often you will be on the right side of a major move. Put your seatbelt on and hold on for the ride!Those are the days that will build your account!
By the way your journal has been great.
PS I know there are successful scalpers out there but I have found it's just not for me.
I'm not sure that I realized the impact of increasing to 20 contracts. Before when I had been increasing I had already been trading 15 contracts so there weren't really any issues. Now that I'm trading more contracts than I have before, it has had a negative effect. When I first started this journal, I was hoping to be back to 15 contracts by September. Things have been going better than I had planned, but I don't think that I'm entirely ready for the level of success that I've been experiencing. More accurately, the great success of pure tape reading has caused me to rush things. Looking back, I've traded extremely poorly ever since I increased to 20 contracts. My only good day (Wednesday) was the day that I was trading 15 contracts (even though it was technically 17). Even though I know it isn't the best idea, I feel like I would rather just work through it with 20 than go back to 15 right now.
I think that you are absolutely right that setting a profit goal of 8-10 points was counterproductive. This morning I even said to myself "the only way I'm going to accomplish this goal is if I just let it go". Obviously I was too obsessed to do that. Basically I think that this was the main source of my troubles today. I was so worried about having any losing trades (because of their impact on my goal) that I neutralized the possibility of having any winners either. I knew that I wasn't trading well and around 10:00 EST I even said to myself that I would claw my way to 10 points with half pointers if I had to. When I took a break around 11:30 EST, I realized that my jaw and teeth hurt. I had been clenching my jaw in pit bull like determination. Successful trading shouldn't require that much effort, and I knew it. The only problem was that I was already committed and I was going to do everything I could short of having a losing day. My goal put too much pressure on me at the last minute. To begin with, I normally don't even trade the mornings unless I have a strong feeling about a possible move (which I didn't). Secondly, I wanted to spread the 10 points over yesterday and today, but I couldn't get anything going yesterday. While I don't think making 8-10 points in a day is unrealistic for me, it is when I'm trying to force it. I was so desperate that I even used my somewhat ridiculous theory of a template day (which I tried to apply to the absolute extreme). I did everything except trade the way that I'm supposed to.
Thank you for sharing your insights, they were right on. On a side note, I've noticed that when I write the journal entries right after the trading day I'm able to capture a snapshot for later analysis. Looking back at today it seems like I was a deranged lunatic; it's embarrassing. Oh well, hopefully next week will be less dramatic and more profitable. Making it beats chasing it.
Selfishness is not perpetuated by the wanting, but in the absurd expectation that the market will conform to fulfill that desire...
PEACE and good-speculating Afterburner...