I am really disappointed with myself today. I saw that the tape was pointing higher. Believe it or not, I was convinced that the force that had been trying to hold the market down yesterday afternoon had been lifted, and that the NDX was headed for 1270. I saw an entry at 1256.5 at approximately 1:40 EST, but I missed it. I'm not upset for myself with not taking that signal. What upsets me is that after missing this trade, I developed a sore loser attitude. What I mean by this is that instead of looking for another entry on a trade that I believed still had plenty of upside, I began to look for a short opportunity. Even though I saw another entry at 1262 at approximately 2:00 EST, I ignored it because I was now focused on going short. My childish attitude was that if I wasn't going to make money on the long side, I didn't want anyone else to either.
Trade 1 (SLD 1267.5 BOT 1268.5) There was no entry signal for this trade. I just figured that it was time to implement my foolish plan. I realized immediately that I had made a huge mistake. The market went to 69X69.5 before coming back to my entry point of 67X67.5. Why I was still trying to make a profit on a trade that was obviously wrong, I have no idea. Anyway, I did have enough sense to get out at 1268.5.
Trade 2 (SLD 1268.5 BOT 1267) This is the trade that disappoints me the most. Only one minute after getting out of a trade that I had deemed a terrible idea, I decided to get back in. My irrational rationale was that I was going to try to make Trade 1 profitable. I can't believe the total lack of discipline I exhibited on this trade. Anyway, the market gapped up about 2 points, which was like throwing a bucket of cold water in my face. I finally came to my senses. I was able to keep my cool and saw that the market was forming a short term top. When I received a sell signal at 1271.5, I decided to hold on until the first sign of resistance to the downside. For psychological trade management reasons, I probably should have exited and then re-entered at 1271.5, but it didn't occur to me at the time. If I remember correctly it made it to 68X68.5 and then instantly reversed up. I wasn't about to let this trade get any worse, so I was prepared to exit at 1272.5, but thankfully it was just a double top. From this point I decided to get out at the first sign of support or 1267, whichever came first. Needless to say, I was glad to be out of this mess and thinking clearly again. I decided to take a 15 minute break to get my composure back together.
Trade 3 (SLD 1267.5 BOT 1265.5) I received a short signal at 1269. However, I was still extremely leery of going short after the mess I had gotten myself into earlier. After market action confirmed the signal, I entered at 1267.5 looking for 1265 NDX. Unfortunately, my late entry proved to be at the worst possible point since the market went back to 69X69.5. I seriously considered getting out at 1269.5, but the trade still looked sound and I managed to keep my cool. At 65X65.5, I received a reversal signal. I sent an order to get out at 1265.5 but by that time it was at 65.5X66. I left my order in, but I was prepared to exit at 1266 with an OCA order. I didn't reverse, because I wanted to let market action confirm the reversal signal first.
Trade 4 (BOT 1267.5 SLD 1268.5) I couldn't manage to pull the trigger at 1266.5, even though I was convinced the market was headed back to 1270 NDX. Finally at 1267.5 I entered but as I did I realized my timing was poor, and my entry was likely to be retested. I immediately sent an order for 1268.5 since it was at 68X68.5 at the time, but I was prepared to exit at 1268 with an OCA order. Since it was nearing 3:30 EST and also because my trading for today was less than stellar, I decided not to try for a re-entry on this trade.
I'm still really disappointed in myself regarding today's poor performance and lack of discipline on Trades 1 and especially 2. However, I do feel that I was able to maintain and then regain control of the situation when things were at their worst. After taking a break, I was able to come back with a refreshed outlook, and had already let the other stuff go. I'm really glad that the P&L indicator was off the screen when things started to spiral out of control, because I'm pretty sure that would have caused me to panic instead of concentrating on the situation at hand.