This journal is starting to get pathetic. I've lost a little under 40 points since Friday afternoon. It seems to me that since last Thursday afternoon, all I have been doing is blindly shorting. It seems that I've abandoned my system and have been completely ignoring the tape. Now if a trade isn't working out, my solution is to just hold it longer. When I actually trade, I tend to do great. But every so often I'll slip into a gambling cycle, and that is where I am now. On January 21, I made my "Looking ahead..." post, and ever since then I have been basing all of my trading decisions off of it. Like it was gospel or something. To make matters worse, I've become some sort of ego-maniac on ET and its rubbing off on my trading. Who really cares how much talent I have? What difference does it make how well I can read the tape if I don't even apply it? I'll bet that I have the worst two day record of anybody here. Some trader all right. Looking back, my postings seem to be overly dramatic/emotional. Also, it seems like I'm desperate for attention/recognition for my trading abilities. To be perfectly honest, it's true. Yesterday evening it occurred to me that I wish someone would just yell at me for my poor performance, like a boss threatening to fire me if it happened again or something like that. But somewhere along the line it seems that I have put myself in a position where I am beyond reproach. I have an answer/explanation/excuse for everything, and who can question it? On the surface I try to portray an image of humility, but deep down I'm as arrogant as anyone. Why do I believe that I have an infallible intellect? Anyway, I realized that my trading problems are not problems related to trading. Trading successfully doesn't seem to be enough. I'm looking for trading to provide me with something it can't give; at least not without great cost. I hope that this is something I will be able to overcome. In the meantime, I apologize for my arrogance and I'm sorry for always sounding like a whiny little self-centered bastard. In the future, feel free to call me on it.