The following is a hypothetical interview with the Portland, OR mayor:
Beautiful Stranger(BS) - Are you concerned about the increase of shootings in the Portland, OR metro area?
Portland, OR Mayor (POM) - This is a very poorly worded, racist question that assumes facts that have not be established. For example, even using the word “Shooting” is inappropriate unless its context is considered. Further, the misuse of that word is tantamount to gaslighting and political repression. As such, for the purposes of Portland area “Public discharge of a firearm with projectile hitting person”(PDFPHP) statistics, certain acts involving discharging of a firearm shall not be considered as “Shooting”. For example, any PDFPHP that has the potential to impugn the reputation of a Democrat politician shall be considered “Firearm used contrary to der Kommissar’s established directives”(FUCKED) and is prima fascia evidence the firearm was used for subversive political purposes and counted as PDFPHP, not as a shooting for Federal statistic reporting purposes.
BS - How do you currently feel about gun control?
POM - Now that we have taken a considerable number of law enforcement off the street, better. However, much work remains in confiscating firearms from law abiding citizens.
BS - I noticed you did not include “Criminals” in your goal to confiscate firearms.
POM - Obviously, anyone using firearms in the politically subversive manner mentioned before is a criminal who would be subject to losing their firearm.
BS - How about those who commit arson, looting, discharging of firearms, and vandalism while rioting?
POM - Again, context is key. Are they rioting for Civil Rights, against evil corporations, or Donald Trump? Or are they being subversive?
BS - Thank you for an enlightening interview.
POM - Anytime.
