I would never dismiss the importance of a father. Nor would I blame a learning skill on his presence, or absence. But having a father in the home is of little value if he too is not pushing the right buttons. The image is not of much value if the father has four or five other children all around that he is not going that extra mile for either. Can you say, mixed message?
I do personally know many single parent households that hold the attention positively of some extremely capable children. The key part of your phrase here is "guidance of responsible, mature." Success can also be achieved by just one adult with these qualifications.
Many of the households that I know do use the assistance of role models. Reachable, touchable, realistic role models. Unlike many of today's athletes, singers and other celebrity types, I welcome the challenge of being a role model for children. And unlike so many of our successful entertainers, I am reachable by the average (and less than average) person.
I challenge myself consistently and endeavor to do the right thing even when it might not be the thing that I want to do. One of the things that I pattern after is: "The true test of a man is to do the right thing even when no one is around." Profanity - very minimal. Respectful - I go out of my way there. One of the examples that I consistently show is - that I read. In the community, my peers read very infrequently. And when they do it is usually the sports section.
My personal library is consistently growing. Currently I have over 2,500 titles and I have read them all. Science, fiction, religion, race relations, personal improvement, biographies, investing, computers, I try to read about a lot of things.
And while I no longer live in the community, I do things to help improve it. I am a computer tech and every year I recycle old computers and for Christmas I make anonymous donations to families, mostly single parent households. This past year I gave away over 200 computers (laptops and desktops) doing this. Many of them put the pieces together and figured out where the machines came from.
But I am clear in my actions and activities that I am not a father figure, but a positive male figure. One who you can easily emulate while you work towards your dreams. I never try to be a kids buddy or big brother either.
One of the most rewarding things that I do is word challenge. Many of the young folks that I have worked with in the past have explained that they loved this challenge. Every time I saw them, I'd give them three words that they had to find the meaning of and use in context the next time we saw each other. Kept us all working on expanding our vocabularies.
In the ten plus years that I have done these and other things, I have impacted hundreds of lives I am sure. And for me, there lies the reward. It took no membership in a "Blacks Only" group. I did not have to contribute funds to an organization and hope that a helpful portion got through. And I ain't lookin' for no stinking trophy or plaque for the ego boost.
If you were to visit my home you would not see a case of dust gathering awards or a shelf of glad handing photos with the popular icon of the day. My pants still go on one leg at a time, even though I am my own superhero.
