In such situations, it is better to talk with them and understand them. Scolding will not do good. Instead, guide them. So they can gow.
My teenage son got busted smoking. Now what.
- Thread starter Baron
- Start date
Hey @Baron , if you have any connections to a hospital cancer ward (Lung/respiratory) via a doctor or nurse then get your son to visit the wards with such a person. Even better to get him to volunteer in one. The shock from what he hears and see's along with the stories people will feel compelled to tell (as their time is fast running out) is pricless. Two people i know had the fortunate experience who did this gave up smoking immediately as it profoundly affected them. Best John
This is certainly good advice, but there's one thing I might point out, and it's not a happy thing.
Depression is running at an all-time high in American teens. Most would go to that ward and say "who cares, I don't want to live that long anyway." Sad but true.
Is the answer to teen depression meds?
I don't think so, but I don't have an answer either.
They have to believe in something, they have to be excited about life. And living.
When I was a kid, I couldn't wait to get out of bed in the mornings, in the summer at least, because we were hitting the streets, hustling, hitting on girls, scamming on our next big thing. Life was exciting, we were on fire. Where'd that go? Kids need a dream to live for. Why is it no longer there?
I dunno.
I will say one thing though... know where that dream still resides? In the hood. These kids don't have anything, and they want it. The fire still exists down there. To a great extent anyway. And yeah, some manifest that fire thru crime, that too is wrong obviously, but the point is, there's still a fire in their souls. Maybe that's why we had it when we were kids... we didn't have anything... but we wanted it all.
Last edited:
Some say weed is the most dangerous drug of them all because it kills the ambition.
What it effectively does, is It makes you happy with the current situation.
You could smoke and do nothing for the whole day, skip school, lay on the couch and YOU WOULD BE HAPPY(while high of course).
It's a shortcut to happiness without having to do the work. This is UNNATURAL!
The kid needs some form of conquest. Whatever that might be. Could be sports, hobby, making money. Perhaps some sort of martial arts to learn the discipline? I am just punting here.
I would take it the other way. LET HIM SMOKE. But only "recreationally". If his grades are good(or maybe not even the grades, if he is learning something more useful and his grades are enough to pass seems okay as well), if he is doing the work, then let him smoke or drink occasionally at the end of the day. As a treat.
That's how i've always done it. After putting in the hard work, working out, doing everything necessary ... i would have a smoke at the end of the day. I would've already been happy without the weed, it's just the cherry on the top. Where is the harm in that???
I believe this is the best way to go about it, under the condition he is disciplined enough. Weed might not be physically addictive, but for many it becomes a habit. This is what you want to avoid.
What it effectively does, is It makes you happy with the current situation.
You could smoke and do nothing for the whole day, skip school, lay on the couch and YOU WOULD BE HAPPY(while high of course).
It's a shortcut to happiness without having to do the work. This is UNNATURAL!
The kid needs some form of conquest. Whatever that might be. Could be sports, hobby, making money. Perhaps some sort of martial arts to learn the discipline? I am just punting here.
I would take it the other way. LET HIM SMOKE. But only "recreationally". If his grades are good(or maybe not even the grades, if he is learning something more useful and his grades are enough to pass seems okay as well), if he is doing the work, then let him smoke or drink occasionally at the end of the day. As a treat.
That's how i've always done it. After putting in the hard work, working out, doing everything necessary ... i would have a smoke at the end of the day. I would've already been happy without the weed, it's just the cherry on the top. Where is the harm in that???
I believe this is the best way to go about it, under the condition he is disciplined enough. Weed might not be physically addictive, but for many it becomes a habit. This is what you want to avoid.
Baron ET Founder Why Is This man smiling?
It's good to put a face to the name! I have a very old photo as well in which I look good.
It's funny to read all these replies from an anti-marijuana cabal. Lets get the facts straight.
Often our children do the opposite of what we do so I was very interested to witness what my son's approach to marijuana would be. He tried it just this year, got a girlfriend just this year, sampled booze just this year, had sex just this year... 18 is a big year.
I am very happy to see that he is only social with the weed. This is something he would never think to do by himself. Does my lighting up with the morning coffee add to this? In some way I believe it does.
It's easy to say don't do as I do but to just live it...
I guess what i am saying is when the parental units are a bit off kilter some of the strongest children emerge. The best thing you can do for your son is take the vape out of the equation. It's addictive and it's dangerous. And it's artificial. These are themes young folks can understand.. would they listen to fake and artificial music? No.
Stress the reward principle.. after hard work (grades!) rewards, stress the social aspect, these bong sessions should be with friends. Realize that most children will rebel against some of your norms.
thus make your norms carefully. ~stoney
There is no universal advice that can be given here because everyone is different. Good luck!
Try to make him meet someone who is facing severe health issues because they smoked their entire life. I would have arranged a meeting with my uncle, but he passed away too early.
I absolutely agree. 16 is an age when it is easy to influence his decisions.
Also, I agree with other members that "I can't monitor you 24/7 so it's up to you, but smoking at your age doesn't let your brain develop accordingly" are the right words. My parents told them to me. I understood that it was my responsibility. My Mom always said, "I don't care what other people do around you, this is only your choice whether to join them or not".
Remember, you are a father not a friend. The easy thing is to let him slide. The hard thing ( right thing ) is to enforce some sort of discipline.
It's a tough one. My kid's 16 as well. We left the US in part because I knew I'd have no way to forbide him these things in high school. I smoked and drank, smoked pot by 15 and most other drugs before I finally gave up the drugs by the time I was 22, quit smoking by 40 and now still drink occasionally. My parents wouldn't have been able to do anything to stop me. And that's just the way it is.
In my son's case, we moved to Singapore where social and governmental pressure to follow the rules are high. No cigarettes before 18, no drugs or you're kicked out of the country or worse. No social pressure.
If you have a strong relationship with your son, I find that expressing disappointment is a powerful incentive for them to revise their behavior. Calm voice, expressing emotions then walking away for him to reflect can work. Or not. In the end, they are only a couple years from their perceived freedom.
Pot is a tough one. It took me from A to C student in 6 months, yet it was easy to quit because it made me lethargic and paranoid so by the time I turned 18 I had stopped. But I knew plenty of dynamic friends who smoked a joint before going to school or work and managed fine in life. I knew a brain surgeon who was a pothead! The point being, if you hold him accountable to his grades, he will have to figure out how to get there and may decide on his own to quit.
Good luck
In my son's case, we moved to Singapore where social and governmental pressure to follow the rules are high. No cigarettes before 18, no drugs or you're kicked out of the country or worse. No social pressure.
If you have a strong relationship with your son, I find that expressing disappointment is a powerful incentive for them to revise their behavior. Calm voice, expressing emotions then walking away for him to reflect can work. Or not. In the end, they are only a couple years from their perceived freedom.
Pot is a tough one. It took me from A to C student in 6 months, yet it was easy to quit because it made me lethargic and paranoid so by the time I turned 18 I had stopped. But I knew plenty of dynamic friends who smoked a joint before going to school or work and managed fine in life. I knew a brain surgeon who was a pothead! The point being, if you hold him accountable to his grades, he will have to figure out how to get there and may decide on his own to quit.
Good luck