Thanks for the encouragement to those who offered. As for the account balances, you'll just have to read carefully what I wrote. I made it abundantly clear what I made.
If you look at the money, it is not worth it to trade unless you have a decent sized account. My reasons were to build my track record and to build my business: attract institutional funds, capital, etc. Because I've built my track record over time, I've a subscriber now that is taking most of my signals with real capital, average trading 4 to 5 ES lots per signal. Of course, I'm only responsible for my record but that I'm starting to get subscribers now does vindicate that if one can maintain a high level of performance over an extended period of time then people will pay for your signals/market call/etc. And if you continue to perform well over the live signals (real money signals) then that will build on itself too. I think you need to trade 4 ES contracts to 5 ES contracts per trade to have a chance to make a living. In my mind, you'll need minimum 50k-80k to do that without taking extreme risk.
I want to discuss a bit about my ego. One thing is that when you're really good at good at something and everyone says your not. I mean not just jokers on EliteTrader but people you respect and look up too. I mean the people who should know better then you get to a point where you see a truth that no one else does. It takes an incredibly strong mind to continue to see that truth without going crazy. I mean this dynamic is what drives people crazy.
So, the sane mind looks out -- the mind that's going to stay sane -- looks out and sees everyone as wrong but doesn't let it bother him. He can look out and see that smart people are wrong and doesn't feel a responsibility to correct them. I never had an ego before I was denied my record. And, that's where I think it derives from because I was denied my original record. I was denied respect.
I'm sure some people wouldn't let it bother them. I mean that I've got subscribers now, that is a vote of confidence with money, and that's the strongest form of confidence.
But, I think I have too be careful of people that I look up to as heroes because at the end day: I'm not going to be respected. I'm not going be recognized. And, it doesn't matter... provided I'm serving my abilities and pursuing my truth. I'm not sure that we have to kill and destroy our heroes mentally but we have to find peace and comfort in what we do.
Its like when I was cleared for hire by Microsoft. Some of the people there, brilliant people, wanted to huff and puff about how great it was and it was obvious to me that even these brilliant people were suffering from just a questioning of.. just wanting to huff and puff because they didn't feel important.
There is also always a struggle in my mind. I'm always trying to live up to my former capability. And, that's normal. I have my market read which doesn't rely on precisely measurable signals and then I have a mixture of measurable signals that I rely on. Sometimes, I'd like to say "yes everything is due to my market read and not my systems". But, I use my systems as inputs into my market read. And, I can't always differentiate that... I mean I like my systems because when I'm not doing as well then I have that to fall back on.
But also.. I'm running down -2.5% to -4% this month. Of course, I'd like when anyone joins my system to have a good run so they don't take any drawdown heat. But that's just a "desire" "a want". Realistically, I was down 10k last month before ending up about 18k. So, you know that's why I made it clear that for me to take a 10k or 15k swing is normal.
I don't even remember being down 10k last month.
Anyway... so it's a marathon. Not a sprint.. I don't even usually remember my losses. I make a note and try to improve but I've forgotten so many losses. If I remember the losses then I wouldn't be able to trade.
Right now I'm struggling with building my size in the ES without taking bad stop hits and without risking a ton on every single trade. This is proving difficult to build my size while keeping my risk down.
:::::::::my question why are your putting yourself through all of this stress to make less than minimum wage per day