Monkey trading sp500

M

mitsubishi

So we're winding down the year and i just got given a monkey for xmas,and you know how monkeys are better stock pickers than 90% of retail traders,so i'm just gonna let him stick pins in the charts on a few stocks and give you guys a handle on....

MONKEY: i dont do stocks,i prefer indicies.

WTF !?

MONKEY: I SAID, i dont trade stocks,i'm gonna be doing indicies.

you can talk??!

MONKEY: of course i can talk.And i can trade,better than you,actually. I mean, have you seen your acc balance recently? ttttut tut

wait, i need to get my head aroun...

MONKEY: wont be needing any pins either.I will be commentating in the conventional manner.Pass me that banana, and keep 'em comin , i dont' work for free

So,uh,you'll be showing these guys how it's done,how to make money i mean.

MONKEY: Well of course WHATD'YA THINK?! otherwise it would be a waste of time wouldn't it. Jesus,what a schmuck this guy is.

i just can't believe you can talk.

MONKEY: sure,all monkeys can talk,we just don't say anything when you guys are around.Have a good ole laugh at you when you're not though.Look at the mess you made with this market,never happen under our watch. Few years ago you nearly nuked the whole planet. Dunno what your basic problem is..

Alright you cocky lil prick lets see some market calls then

MONKEY:sure,when i'm ready,in the new year

you mean you gonna talk the talk but not walk the wa....

MONKEY: NO...I MEEEAAANN, it's an inside day today,you know, lower high higher low the range is narrowing so the future direction,possible breakout is uncertain ok?

YEAH BUT..

MONKEY: yeah but no but nothin alright? I'm a SWING trader duh? so pass us another banana,sit down stfu,and you might just learn somethin ok dude?! But i aint startin 'til the new year got it?

Yeah,ok then,guess we'll see you all in the new year HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

MONKEY: yeah happy holidays, whatever...
 
Ok,well we're well into the new year now and,like me,i guess you guys are makin loadsa money going short in this bear mark....

MONKEY: I am long this market for now

Wait,i'm not done yet, please don't interrupt...what d'ya mean you're long this market for now?!

MONKEY: LONG! Bwurrp

Please excuse monkey,he has only just recovered from new years eve- the cocky lil contrarian

MONKEY: I assume you do know how to read a simple chart?

Listen, i've been reading charts longer than you been swinging thru trees ok? Now kindly explain how you know the market is moving up now.

MONKEY: i don't know- ask me another

Ok then,what makes you think..

MONKEY: I don't think - ask me another.Jesus,how d'ya expect to make money if you don't even know the right questions?

Well what is you're chart telling you then?

MONKEY: My chart says the smart money is buying right now.Take a look at Thurs bar-see where it closed? See that big volume there? av vol 5, Thurs vol 7.8. Huuuge reversal offa that 817 low on SP500 to close in positive territory.Somebody big bought there bigtime.

True,but we still closed below 848 resistance.

MONKEY: And today?

Fair enough,so you're long from yesterday

MONKEY: No,i'm long offa tonights close since 'best information' is resistance becomes support plus what i said before.

Where's you're stop?

MONKEY: I'm not gonna tell you that,hell,even my broker doesn't know that! 'Sides it's of no use here since everybody gotta set there own stop according to their trading plan.

But what if the market gaps down?

MONKEY:Listen son, if you can't handle gaps,maybe this is not for you.What if it gaps up?! hahaha Seriously though,i decide my stop when i see what happens tues. Might even average the position. Trade what you see geddit?

mmm,well we'll see what happens tuesday it'll be interesting

MONKEY: Interesting for you maybe,it's just another day at the office for me which,btw,is now over.I'm outta here
 
Quote from optioncoach:

Dude I hope there is not like a monkey puppet on your left hand you are talking to as you type...
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MONKEY: LOL! how d'ya know it's not the other way round?
 
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