When I woke up this morning I had a serious headache, and I had an entire night's worth of nightmares with all kind of unpleasant scenarios (literally everything from holding many thousand shares of a stock through a halt that hits me for many points, to receiving an invitation to her wedding).
Then again this isn't the first time I experienced this, nor it will be the last time, so I have regained some energy and as of right now at around 50%, hopefully by Monday morning it will be 90%. Thankfully I am almost as hardcore a workholic as a love sick safety net, so knowing myself I will probably do a decent job on Monday.
I am not the type to blame anyone for my pains, I chose the current path afterall, and I will continue to walk it.
***Then last christmas while I was shopping at Toys R Us I see him. The two of us are talking when two young children run up to him and ask "daddy" to buy them something. Later on he told me that he finally had his "model" girl, but including the two children from her previous marriage.***
For me that would be THE HAPPY ENDING, she represents not just the woman I will give up anything to marry, but also the ultimate challenge in life. If I love her 100%, the competitive spirit in me amplifies it into 150%.
I envy your friend, he spend 10 years and he ended up getting exactly what he wanted in the first place, he never backed away from that challenge and gave it his 100%. Any child she has in this life time I would love as much as I love her, for they are afterall, part of her flesh.
I will obviously have to cut down my exposure to her, it is not my choice but now she is no longer single and I have to respect that. I will keep close touch with her while I continue to give my 100% effort at work, I can not allow myself to collapse, the battle is lost, but the war is not over, even if I have less than 1% chance, I will still fight it to the bitter end.
If your friend toughed it out for 10 years, so can I.
And no, the guy she is dating is not a punk by no stretch of the imagination, for someone that puts as much effort into it as I do, I hate to admit it but he gave it quite a bit more than I did at least since I started to run this team. He basically called every day and asked her out any day she is free, while I concentrated my effort on work and only asked her out on weekends. The first week of March I had my best trading week in a long time as I spend 4 out of 7 days with her that week, the following 2 weeks he started to take her to school every morning and escort her home every night. Back then when I traded by myself I could leave work any time to go see her, but nowadays I have way too much commitment to those around me and besides for me to achieve career success I can not leave at the middle of the workday all the times like he does to visit her. I mean what hell, six months ago, when he was working in a restaurant in some other state, he would drive to New York in the middle of the week every now and then to visit her.
Throwing the fact that I do look younger than her despite being 22, his maturity really shines for her since she is just 20. I don't believe anyone on this planet loves her as much as I do, but he sure makes it seem that way, even more, as for me to match his level of intensity I will have to sacrifice too much of my own career. When I took my current career path I was aiming for her ex, the ivy leaguer, super career oriented, cares more about himself than anyone else, hardly bother to spend time with her. I wanted to not only show her that I loved her a lot more than he did, but to also defeat him in career, something both of us held very highly. When her current bf entered the picture I was devoting myself 100% into my career, and what really puts a bitter taste in my mouth is that I can not deny the fact that he gave it more than I did especially after she finally became single, and this is in something I held above all else.
Then again he doesn't have a green card (which effectively locks him out of all top tier careers/jobs in this country) and part of me wants to tell her it could be a gap and trap, but of course she will never believe it because "the guy had many relationships before and if he wanted one he would have got it long ago" . . .
Shortee:
Your post was the first thing that put a smile on my face since I left her on Friday.