Well I have consulted most of my close friends not looking for advices but just to vent, and I feel much better.
After all, this hasn't been the first time that she chooses someone else over me, and afterall she never committed herself to me in anyway, so at least it is fair and square. I wouldn't be myself if I give up either one of my dreams, after 3 years, pain only makes me stronger.
As much as it pains me to say it, the dedication I have toward my career made me a very incomplete individual, the skills he possesses are very important social skills that I do not have. Come to think of it, with the exception of what I do work (and even then I can not say I am top tier at what I do), I don't think I am good at anything else.
And too much competitiveness made me too serious of a person, as I clearly lack his finesse when it comes to communication skills. Not only I am 6 years younger, but I am too emotional and passionate to the point of seemingly unstable, that's exactly why his maturity really shines.
Last but not least, on a effort for effort basis, since I started this team my free time has been greatly reduced, and he has been calling and asking her out on a daily basis. She admitted that both of us are too serious and neither one of us really knows how to relax, have fun, etc . . . and that is exactly what he does best.
I know in a way she is hedging her position in that while she says she doesn't have feeling for me right now, she doesn't know what the future will bring. In a strange way, I am actually very happy that she actually looks at me as a potential safety net in case of unexpected emergencies, that makes me feel like I am worth something.
It is my job to live and die with the market, it is my destiny to live and die for her. I respect her decision, this is the time for her to experience and decide what is her best trading strategy, but I will not give up, for I already found the one stock that I will dollar cost average into for the rest of my life.