Just wanted to share one thing that keeps going through my mind about losing my account, which it turns out, I almost lost it, but it still has enough in it for data fees and 1 trade at my normal stop loss, so my account isn't totally gone. I mailed in the exact amount I had withdrawn in the last couple months. This way it can't lose much, but gives me enough to take lives trades and work on self control. I don't know how long I'll wait before taking a live trade again, but I have some ideas of how I want to have a very structured system. Also, I want to make sure I follow it consistently in demo first before going live again.
Anyhow, the biggest thing that keeps going through my mind about why what happened happened is that there seems to be a big disconnect in my mind between trading and the reality that there is real money that can be lost. When I began taking extra risks not in my plan, it just didn't seem like I was really going to lose so much money. It's like one of those times when you know something could happen but it just doesn't seem like it will. Sometimes those things happen and sometimes they don't. It's much easier to recognize the danger of something when there is immediate feedback. For example, if you decide to jump across a creek and miss, you fall into the water and have immediate feedback that your decision to jump across the creek was risky. I kind of wish with trading there was a bucket of water that would be thrown at me when I begin to trade risky, so maybe I'd learn quicker to stop. There's got to be practical ways to help with this. I use Sierra Chart's locking feature after a certain amount is lost. But then on losing days I began resetting it and found I could reset it in about 10 seconds and that didn't give enough of a "cool down" period for me to get my emotions under control. Presently, I will limit myself to a very small account so that if I do lose it, it won't be that much. Maybe by the time I'm ready to use larger amounts of money I'll have established better methods of self-control and can keep more in the account.
I'm still going through The Mental Game of Trading by Jared Tendler. I'm working through mapping out my emotions and all the factors influencing my complete disregard for having rules in trading when I started losing. I'm finding a long list of warning signs that I need to work at becoming tuned to if I'm going to overcome this. I also have listed all the rules I broke that day and a couple of other days that didn't turn out as badly, but probably desensitized me to noticing how I was getting completely away from a rules-based approach.
One more difference is that I'm not so set on making trading work for me. I've started to accept the fact that I might not have the right temperment to trade. I know that I do have the ability to trade and make a profit. That's part of what I really wanted to prove to myself. But the rules that I need to follow to make a profit are difficult (self-control, stalking a trade, waiting, not blowing up my account, etc). I'm still questioning if it's really the price I want to pay to become a trader. It's actually kind of freeing to think I might give up on trading as a legit trader. Maybe I will always be a hobby trader and just enjoy the game of trading, but not be so determined that I will make this work.
If nothing else, I'm definitely learning more about myself.
Anyhow, the biggest thing that keeps going through my mind about why what happened happened is that there seems to be a big disconnect in my mind between trading and the reality that there is real money that can be lost. When I began taking extra risks not in my plan, it just didn't seem like I was really going to lose so much money. It's like one of those times when you know something could happen but it just doesn't seem like it will. Sometimes those things happen and sometimes they don't. It's much easier to recognize the danger of something when there is immediate feedback. For example, if you decide to jump across a creek and miss, you fall into the water and have immediate feedback that your decision to jump across the creek was risky. I kind of wish with trading there was a bucket of water that would be thrown at me when I begin to trade risky, so maybe I'd learn quicker to stop. There's got to be practical ways to help with this. I use Sierra Chart's locking feature after a certain amount is lost. But then on losing days I began resetting it and found I could reset it in about 10 seconds and that didn't give enough of a "cool down" period for me to get my emotions under control. Presently, I will limit myself to a very small account so that if I do lose it, it won't be that much. Maybe by the time I'm ready to use larger amounts of money I'll have established better methods of self-control and can keep more in the account.
I'm still going through The Mental Game of Trading by Jared Tendler. I'm working through mapping out my emotions and all the factors influencing my complete disregard for having rules in trading when I started losing. I'm finding a long list of warning signs that I need to work at becoming tuned to if I'm going to overcome this. I also have listed all the rules I broke that day and a couple of other days that didn't turn out as badly, but probably desensitized me to noticing how I was getting completely away from a rules-based approach.
One more difference is that I'm not so set on making trading work for me. I've started to accept the fact that I might not have the right temperment to trade. I know that I do have the ability to trade and make a profit. That's part of what I really wanted to prove to myself. But the rules that I need to follow to make a profit are difficult (self-control, stalking a trade, waiting, not blowing up my account, etc). I'm still questioning if it's really the price I want to pay to become a trader. It's actually kind of freeing to think I might give up on trading as a legit trader. Maybe I will always be a hobby trader and just enjoy the game of trading, but not be so determined that I will make this work.
If nothing else, I'm definitely learning more about myself.
. I was disctracted with something else today when trying to trade the ES and I didn't feel in tune with it. I didn't see any of my favorite set ups except once, and that one did work, and I almost took it, but the ES was trending up slowly and that just doesn't feel right to me. Is it because I'm use to the NQ and expect moves that are so quick I can hardly get in before it takes off? I don't know, but I hesitated too many times and ended up not taking a trade UNTIL I decided that rather than have to explain about not taking a trade, I really should just try for a few ticks, and then I'd have something at least. But again, it kept moving higher, and I just didn't feel confident to get in long....I'm sure I would have tried it if I could have closed a trade moving against me and gotten back in quickly, but that's the habit I'm trying to work on overcoming.