It is time for me to summarize what I get out of this thread. Anyone disagree or have other ideas are welcome to comment:
1. It is beyond my ability to derive the equations of or comprehend Kelly or Growth Optimal Fraction but intuitively, I came to the realization that trading at fraction Kelly will lower my risk of ruin.
Not true, it does NOT lower your risk of ruin.
Here is an easy way to calculate a "best guess" estimate of your "Kelly," and that is to use f equals approximately p/2, where p is what you expect the probability of a winning trade (or period) is in the future.
If you are trading N different instruments, calculate f for each instrument and divide by N.
The reason for these approximations is too lengthy for me to go into in this thread.
2. If there is no positive expectancy, risk of ruin is a certainty, Kelly or Growth Optimal Fraction be damned. So, I should definitely determine if my method has any positive expectancy before even trying to determine Kelly or Growth Optimal Fraction.
This too is false. What you call "expectancy" is the probability-weighted mean outcome. But your actual "expectation" is a function of how many trades or periods you will play for, and the derivation of what the actual "expectation" is I will not go into here (for the same reason of it being too lengthy).
In short, consider a 1 in 10 chance of winning $10, and a 9 in 10 chance of losing $1. Clearly, to make this situation where you would expect profitablity, you must play for a minimum number of periods (derivation of this also not provided here). Incidentally, though this has a positive expectation in the classical (probability-weighted mean) sense, the growth-optimal fraction to wager is 0 until you have played for a sufficient number of trials. The Kelly answer would be
((B + 1)*P – 1)/B
=((10+1)*.1-1)/10
=(11*.1-1)/10
= (1.1-1)/10
=.1/10
=.01
Consider the reverse, where you win $1 90% of the time, and the other 10% of the time you lose $10. Your Kelly formula answer is 0 (because your classical expectancy is negative) yet, the correct, growth-optimal fraction to bet is to bet 100% if you are going to make one play and quit. This gets lower for each "quitting point" up to a certain point (<10 plays, the derivation of the exact number not presented here) and bet nothing thereafter.
3. Kelly, or Growth Optimal Fraction do not deal with risk of ruin, only optimal growth?
Correct
4. For low win rate methods, like long DOTM options, assuming positive expectancy, to get positive returns, one should execute a large number of trades to capture the occasional "lottery type" winning potentials. So, trade often and trade small.
5. For high win rate methods, like shorting DOTM options, again assuming positive expectancy, perhaps one should limit the number of trades and try to avoid the occasional "black swans". So, trade a few times with huge leverage then retires, riding into the sunset!

Trade often and trade small is the wrong way to go, counter the coaching of websites like tastytrade?
This is correct but the relative terms "large" and "small" may not be true -- it depends on the parameters of the outcomes (the same with the relative terms of trading a few times, and a large number of times) though, in broad strokes, it is correct.