Up 1500 on the trade. "This one is going to be a nice one. It ain't even started, expecting a 10x more..".
The unbiased scalper in me checks the chart. We are at HTF resistance, unlikely that we just break-thru i think to myself. "Looks like a top too". Even say that to my friend. At the same time i realize, yeah if it is the top, i might look smart, but i am not taking any responsibility and action... All i see is a fucken potential 15grand reward.... "Let your winners run i say to myself", and i do nothing.
I go to sleep. Fuck, it was a top indeed. Dumped, but bounced back up when i woke up at same profit. It's not looking good, higher timeframes now look like a top too and price is rejecting. "Should i close?" I think about the potential profits, i do nothing.
I even get a short setup on lower timeframes, i wanted to atleast hedge the position.
"Volatility is too low, i can't make a profit, it probably only dumps 0.2%, i'd barely cover the fees".
"It will dump a little, but then go up higher, have to hold " (That's what i thought and believed).
I went on to meditate for 10mins, and i noticed it. "I feel like I am slightly derailing….lacking off..if it ain't happening it ain't..manage the situation..!". Wrote that in the diary before shit happened. I knew that i was getting away from what i do well, which is playing the god damn setups and managing the positions.
And baam it dumps down hard. I wasn't actively watching there( i didn't even want to watch, i just hoped to come back to profits), but i just happened to check the monitors. I was lucky to have just not been stopped by a damn tick, the price bounced back to my entry so i close the position at breakeven, probably slight loss after fees.
It was an instant reaction, i did not know what i was doing, but i could feel the fucking was coming and did the right thing. So there was atleast an element of luck, or i would've lost 500.
Angry as angry gets. When i get angry though it's usually just a burst that goes thru my body very quickly, lasts a few seconds, i stomp on the table unconsciously and curse, but after that it clears the fog and brings me to focus very quickly.
I feel fucking nothing if i lose a trade, i feel even less if i win, but if i don't act as intended, if there are regrets, I WANT TO FUCKING CARVE MY EYEBALLS OUT.
Anyways i used to have a tendancy to keep perpetuating the bad feelings, but by the time i finished this post, honestly i don't even care anymore. Even though i felt clear, there was still that element of wanting to fight back and do something, so i decided to write a post about it instead.
Kinda ironic though how i say that i don't care about winning or losing, but pretty much every time, when i think about a big reward, my mind goes fucking crazy. Holy shit it's like a firework goes off. Might be a slight of a gambling issue there, because as they say it's not the reward by itself that feels good, but the anticipation of.
The unbiased scalper in me checks the chart. We are at HTF resistance, unlikely that we just break-thru i think to myself. "Looks like a top too". Even say that to my friend. At the same time i realize, yeah if it is the top, i might look smart, but i am not taking any responsibility and action... All i see is a fucken potential 15grand reward.... "Let your winners run i say to myself", and i do nothing.
I go to sleep. Fuck, it was a top indeed. Dumped, but bounced back up when i woke up at same profit. It's not looking good, higher timeframes now look like a top too and price is rejecting. "Should i close?" I think about the potential profits, i do nothing.
I even get a short setup on lower timeframes, i wanted to atleast hedge the position.
"Volatility is too low, i can't make a profit, it probably only dumps 0.2%, i'd barely cover the fees".
"It will dump a little, but then go up higher, have to hold " (That's what i thought and believed).
I went on to meditate for 10mins, and i noticed it. "I feel like I am slightly derailing….lacking off..if it ain't happening it ain't..manage the situation..!". Wrote that in the diary before shit happened. I knew that i was getting away from what i do well, which is playing the god damn setups and managing the positions.
And baam it dumps down hard. I wasn't actively watching there( i didn't even want to watch, i just hoped to come back to profits), but i just happened to check the monitors. I was lucky to have just not been stopped by a damn tick, the price bounced back to my entry so i close the position at breakeven, probably slight loss after fees.
It was an instant reaction, i did not know what i was doing, but i could feel the fucking was coming and did the right thing. So there was atleast an element of luck, or i would've lost 500.
Angry as angry gets. When i get angry though it's usually just a burst that goes thru my body very quickly, lasts a few seconds, i stomp on the table unconsciously and curse, but after that it clears the fog and brings me to focus very quickly.
I feel fucking nothing if i lose a trade, i feel even less if i win, but if i don't act as intended, if there are regrets, I WANT TO FUCKING CARVE MY EYEBALLS OUT.
Anyways i used to have a tendancy to keep perpetuating the bad feelings, but by the time i finished this post, honestly i don't even care anymore. Even though i felt clear, there was still that element of wanting to fight back and do something, so i decided to write a post about it instead.
Kinda ironic though how i say that i don't care about winning or losing, but pretty much every time, when i think about a big reward, my mind goes fucking crazy. Holy shit it's like a firework goes off. Might be a slight of a gambling issue there, because as they say it's not the reward by itself that feels good, but the anticipation of.
