Jokes

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God was just about done creating man, but he had two things left over in his bag and He couldn't quite decide how to split them between Adam and Eve. He thought He might just as well ask them.

He told them one of the things He had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing up. "It's a very handy thing," God told them, "and I was wondering if either one of you had a preference for it."

Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged, "Oh, please give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing a man should have. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me!" On and on he went like an excited little boy.

Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it. So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up.

Adam was so excited he just started whizzing all over the place, first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, and then he tried to see if he could hit a stump ten
feet away - laughing with delight all the while.

God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve, "Well, I guess you're kind of stuck with the last thing I have
left.

"What's it called?" asked Eve.

"Brains", said God.



:p
More...

Hahahahaaaaaaaaa! Good one!













Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey...............Wait a minute! This joke was about us wasn't it?!...............I think??

NOT FUNNY! NOT FUNNY AT ALL!
 
THE RED SPOT

FINALLY SOMEONE CLEARED THIS UP

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a red spot on their foreheads. We have always naively thought that it had something to do with their religion.

The true story has recently been revealed by the Indian Embassy in Washington, D.C.

When one of these women gets married, she brings with her, a dowry. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the red spot to see if he has won

A. a convenience store,
B. a gas station,
C. a donut shop or
D. a motel

In the United States.
 
Pregnant daughter

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant."

The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy!

The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"

"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last
time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. This time I don't want to miss it.
 
Butt Measurements

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says:

"Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."

With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.

"Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!"

The woman chose to ignore her husband.

Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"
 
There was a young synchronised swimmer
Who practiced her art in the river
She swam au naturelle,tried inverting for a spell
which caused passing pensioners to fall over their Zimmers
 
On a trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?" For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a man from Abilene, Texas stands up in the rear of the plane. He is handsome, tall, well-built, with dark brown hair and blue eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt...

......One button at a time.........

......No one moves.................

......He removes his shirt...................

.....Muscles ripple across his chest............

......She gasps...............

.........He whispers.................

....."Iron this - and then get me a beer."
 
There was a young Sheep farmer from Dorset
Who from a Sheep's fleece made his fiancee a corset
It wasn't for couture our man needed a cure
It was for the smell of a woman,he wasn't used to it
 
Have you ever been to Blackburn?
A veritable Hot-Pot of a Lancashire town!
The inhabitants are many and are never known to frown.
The girls from there are naughty
and the men from there are lewd
The local kids are many,numbering legion in a brood.
I'm thinking of it for my holiday,if I can afford the rates.
It's not the money itself that concerns me
But which venereal disease will seal my fate

(May send that to their local tourist office)lol
 
Pinnochio.Pinnochio,wherefore art thou,Pinnochio.
Juliet wailed
I need a man to replace my lover Romeo,whose ardour has failed.
I think you could be the man for the job,if man indeed you be.
I was a tree hugger in my Hippy days and you can always lie to me.
 
Self abuse had disappeared from the Kingdom of Bhutan
What had transpired to make this wonderfull thing happen?The King couldn't understand
The mothers wept with joy that their children from such piety,rewards would reap
A foreign emmissary asked ' My Lord,do you think it could be due to the introduction of farming sheep?'
__________________
 
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