Jokes

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A Computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show of note.
A Window was something you hated to clean
And Ram was the father of a goat.
Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And Gig was a job for the nights.
Now they all mean different things
And that really Mega Bytes.

An Application was for employment;
A Program was a TV show;
A Cursor used profanity;
A Keyboard was a piano.
A Memory was something that you lost with age;
A CD was a bank account;
And if you had a 3-inch floppy,
You hoped nobody found out.

Compress was something you did to the garbage,
Not something you did to a file;
And if you Unzipped anything in public,
You'd be in jail for a while.
Log On was adding wood to the fire;
Hard Drive was a long trip on the road.
A Mouse Pad was where a mouse lived,
And a Backup happened to your commode.

Cut is what you did with a pocket knife;
Paste you did with glue;
A Web was a spider's home,
And a Virus was the flu.
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the Memory in my head.
I hear nobody's been killed in a Computer crash,
But when it happens they wish they were dead.
 
Barbara Walters of 20/20 (USA) did a story on gender roles in Kabul several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands.

She returned to Kabul recently and observed that women still walk behind their husbands, but now seem to walk even further back and are happy with the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you now seem happy with the old custom that you used to try to change?"

"Land mines," said the woman.
 
I recently picked a new primary care physician. After
two visits and exhaustive lab test, he said I was
doing "fairly well" for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't
resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"


He asked, "well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer or
wine?" "Oh no", I replied. "I've never done either."


Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and
barbecued ribs?" I said, "No, I heard that all red
meat is very unhealthy."


"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing
golf / sailing / ballooning / motorcycling / rock
climbing?" "No I don't", I said.


He said, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or sexually
fool around?"
"No", I said. "I have never done any of those things."



He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a shit
if you live to be 80?"
 
Gentle thoughts for today...

1. Birds of a feather flock together... and crap on
your car.

2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you
take time to look for it. For example I am sitting
here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.


3. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It
makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his
chain and gag himself.

4. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to
be vague.

5. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

6. A penny saved is a government oversight.

7. The real art of conversation is not only to
say the right thing at the right time, but also to
leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

8. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight
because, by then, your body and your fat are really
good friends.

9. The easiest way to find something lost around
the house is to buy a replacement.

10. He who hesitates is probably right.

11. If you think there is good in everybody, you
haven't met everybody.

12. If you can smile when things go wrong, you
have someone in mind to blame.

13. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is
so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

14. Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words
"The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?

15. Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for
forty (40) are "XL"?
 
Q: How many IB employess does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: 400. 1 to change it and 399 to frickin write a post about it on ET.
 
Quote from Mr Subliminal:

You can and have done better, JohnK. Sorry, not funny.

:( :(
More...
Yes, MrS, some could see this as a sad picture.

Trouble is, every time I look at it, I laugh. Perhaps it's just me. But, that's the great thing about humor, it helps us laugh at our misfortunes.

Maybe it is that it looks so much like the old TV cartoons and the Three Stoodges films we all grew up with. Or, maybe the meaning here is that we should be more careful when we cross the road with our kids. Whatever it is, there's some (positive? negative? certainly funny, imo) energy here, I can feel it.

:p
 
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