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Hey, Bsulli 'You ain't from 'round here, is you??"

Out west (Utah, Arizona, Idaho) Multi-Wive MORMON marriages are quite common and 'semi-legal' in many counties.

Now why you'd want more than 1 wife is certainly beyond me, but, for those into significant self-abuse, I'm sure that you can arrange an 'even' number (hence odd number of marriages) of wives!!

Just remember, the 'church' (LDS derivatives) gets its "take" ( minimum of 10% pre-tax - they insist on members presenting signed tax forms annually) in order to 'allow' this 'practice' (don't know how you'd ever make it perfect!).
 
Well, there was this guy in Texas who was trying to get legally married to his horse and this other guy in San Francisco who was trying to get legally married to his computer. Seriously. Maybe one of them managed to achieve their goal. Now, if they both succeeded, then the problem remains.

(Deep down, I do think that Bsulli is trying to start trouble... no question about it!)

:) :) :)
 
It was a hot day in Minnesota. Helga hung out the wash to dry, put a roast
in the oven, then went downtown to pick up some dry cleaning. "Gootness,
it's hotter dan hell today" she mused to herself as she walked down Main
Street. She passed a tavern and thought, "Vy nodt?" So she walked in and
took a seat at the bar. The bartender walked up and asked her what she would
like to drink. "Ya know," Helga said, "it is zo hot, I tink I'll have myself
a cold beer." "Anheuser Busch?" the bartender asked.

Helga blushed and replied, "Vell fine, tanks, und how's yer pecker?"
 
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

APPEARANCE

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

:) :) :)
 
the following story is true, not just a joke

Stiff Discipline After Schoolboys' Viagra Prank


LONDON (Reuters) - Six British schoolboys were rushed to hospital after taking the erection-enhancing drug Viagra at lunchtime for a dare, the school said on Thursday.

Forest School in Winnersh, southern England said paramedics were called after a fellow student told teachers about the 13-year-olds' prank.

"It is believed that a pupil brought the tablets in from home into the all-boys school and shared them with five friends," the local education authority said in a statement.

The Sun newspaper quoted a source at the school as saying: "By the time the afternoon lessons began, there was no hiding what they had done."

Paramedics took the six squirming boys to the nearby Royal Berkshire Hospital, where they were monitored until the effects wore off.

"The school has a strict no drugs policy and a pupil will be temporarily excluded for actions which placed other pupils at risk," the education authority added.



10/23/03 10:24

© Copyright Reuters Ltd. All rights reserved. The information contained In this news report may not be published, broadcast or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of Reuters Ltd.
 
A woman took an ad out in the personals : SWF looking for a male that won't beat, run away, and can have sex all night long. After a few weeks she heard nothing. One day she heard a knock on the door and she answered. She saw a gentleman in a wheelchair.

She says " Sir can I help you? "

He replied, " I have come to answer your ad. "

She says, " Sir, you have no arms or legs ".

He replies, " yes, i have no arms so I can't beat you, I have no legs so I can't run away ,"

"But sir " she says, " What about doing it all night long? "

He says, " How do you think I knocked on the door?
 
One night, a torrential rain soaked South Louisiana; the
next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6
feet into most of the homes there.

Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her neighbor,
Mrs. Thibodaux, waiting for help to come.

Mrs. Thibodaux noticed a lone baseball cap floating near
the house. Then she saw it float far out into the front
yard, then float all the way back to the house; it kept
floating away from the house, then back in.

Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Mrs.
Boudreaux, "Do you see that baseball cap floating away
from the house, then back again?"

Mrs. Boudreaux said, "Oh yes, that's my husband; I told
him he was going to cut the grass today come Hell or high
water!"

:D
 
The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model)

Upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations (AO)...

1. Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.

2. Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.

3. Armor: Drives over snake, laughs, and looks for more
snakes.

4. Aviation: Has 12-digit grid coordinates of snake from GPS.
FAC gives steer to target. Can't find snake. Returns to base
for refuel, crew rest and manicure.

5. Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.

6. Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target
barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support.
Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral
damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants
(inc. cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.

7. Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State
Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of
Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its
heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous
claim for travel pay settlement upon return.

8. Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal
thesis in obscure 5 series Field Manual about how to defeat
snake using countermobility assets. Complains that maneuver
forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal
counter-snake ops.

9. Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval
gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites
SEAL and retreats to safety. Hollywood makes fantasy film in
which SEALS kill myriad extremist snakes.

10. Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of
ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate
Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-
effective means of anti-snake force projection.


:D
 
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