Jokes
- Thread starter dgabriel
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The last four ex-U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they
whirled to OZ. They finally make it to the Emerald City and come before
the Great Wizard.
"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD OF OZ?" Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: "I've come for some courage."
"NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard. "WHO IS NEXT?" Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well......, I......I think I need a brain."
"DONE" says the Wizard.
"WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?" Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."
"I'VE HEARD IT'S TRUE!" says the Wizard. "CONSIDER IT DONE."
There is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing
there, looking around, but doesn't say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks,
"WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
"Is Dorothy here?"
whirled to OZ. They finally make it to the Emerald City and come before
the Great Wizard.
"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD OF OZ?" Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: "I've come for some courage."
"NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard. "WHO IS NEXT?" Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well......, I......I think I need a brain."
"DONE" says the Wizard.
"WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?" Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."
"I'VE HEARD IT'S TRUE!" says the Wizard. "CONSIDER IT DONE."
There is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing
there, looking around, but doesn't say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks,
"WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
"Is Dorothy here?"
What do you call a bull that's masturbating?
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Beef Strokin' off
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Beef Strokin' off
A man stopped at a local gas station to fill his tank and buy a soda. Leaning against his car, drinking the soda, he noticed a couple of men working along the roadside.
The first man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on to dig another. The second man came
along behind him and filled in the hole. This continued, one would dig and the other, 25 feet behind him, would fill it in. The men worked on and on, moving past the guy at the gas station and on down the road.
"I can't stand this," said the man observing, and approached the two men working. "Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on with all this digging and refilling?"
"Well, we work for the government and we're just doing our job," one of the men said.
"But one of you is digging a hole and the other filling it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?"
"You don't understand, mister," said one of the men, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally, there's three of us: me, Elmer, and Leroy. I dig the hole. Elmer sticks the tree in. And Leroy, here, puts the dirt back. Elmer's job was cut . . . so now it's just me an' Leroy."
The first man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on to dig another. The second man came
along behind him and filled in the hole. This continued, one would dig and the other, 25 feet behind him, would fill it in. The men worked on and on, moving past the guy at the gas station and on down the road.
"I can't stand this," said the man observing, and approached the two men working. "Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on with all this digging and refilling?"
"Well, we work for the government and we're just doing our job," one of the men said.
"But one of you is digging a hole and the other filling it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?"
"You don't understand, mister," said one of the men, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally, there's three of us: me, Elmer, and Leroy. I dig the hole. Elmer sticks the tree in. And Leroy, here, puts the dirt back. Elmer's job was cut . . . so now it's just me an' Leroy."
A guy walks into a bar late at night. He sees a gorgeous babe nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says,
"Hi there, good looking! How's it going?"
Having already downed a few power drinks she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and bellows,
"Listen! I'll screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, front door, back door, it doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat-ass love it!"
Eyes now wide with interest, he responds,
"No kidding! I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with?"
"Hi there, good looking! How's it going?"
Having already downed a few power drinks she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and bellows,
"Listen! I'll screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, front door, back door, it doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat-ass love it!"
Eyes now wide with interest, he responds,
"No kidding! I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with?"
funny
Regardless of your politics, these are facts and should be known (I am not anit Clintion, but still ironic)
THIS WILL OPEN YOUR EYES. By Paul Harvey -
Conveniently Forgotten Facts:
Back in 1969 a group of Black Panthers decided that a fellow Black Panther named... Alex Rackley needed to die. Rackley was suspected of disloyalty. Rackley was first tied to a chair. Once safely immobilized, his friends tortured him for hours by, among other things, pouring boiling water on him.
When they got tired of torturing Rackley, Black Panther member, Warren Kimbro took Rackley outside and put a bullet in his head. Rackley's body was later found floating in a river 25 miles north of New Haven, Conn.
Perhaps at this point you're curious as to what happened to these Black Panthers.
In 1977, that's only eight years later, only one of the killers was still in jail. The shooter, Warren Kimbro, managed to get a scholarship to Harvard, and became good friends with none other than Al Gore. He later became an assistant dean at Eastern Connecticut State College. Isn't that something?
As a '60s radical you can pump a bullet into someone's head, and a few years later, in the same state, you can become an assistant college dean!
Only in America!
Erica Huggins was the lady who served the Panthers by boiling the water for Mr. Rackley's torture. Some years later Ms. Huggins was elected to a California School Board.
How in the world do you think these killers got off so easy?
Maybe it was in some part due to the efforts of two people who came to the defense of the Panthers. These two people actually went so far as to shut down Yale University with demonstrations in defense of the accused Black Panthers during their trial.
One of these people was none other than Bill Lan Lee. Mr. Lee, or Mr. Lan Lee, as the case may be, isn't a college dean. He isn't a member of a California School Board. He is now head of the US Justice Department's Civil Rights Division, appointed by none other than Bill Clinton.
O.K., so who was the other Panther defender?
Is this other notable Panther defender now a school board member?
Is this other Panther apologist now an assistant college dean? No, neither!
The other Panther defender was, like Lee, a radical law student at Yale University at the time. She is now known as The "smartest woman in the world."
She is none other than the Democratic senator from the State of New York, our former First Lady, the incredible Hillary Rodham Clinton.
And now, as Paul Harvey said; You know "the rest of the story".
Pass this on! This deserves the widest possible press.
Also remember it, if and when she runs for President.
THIS WILL OPEN YOUR EYES. By Paul Harvey -
Conveniently Forgotten Facts:
Back in 1969 a group of Black Panthers decided that a fellow Black Panther named... Alex Rackley needed to die. Rackley was suspected of disloyalty. Rackley was first tied to a chair. Once safely immobilized, his friends tortured him for hours by, among other things, pouring boiling water on him.
When they got tired of torturing Rackley, Black Panther member, Warren Kimbro took Rackley outside and put a bullet in his head. Rackley's body was later found floating in a river 25 miles north of New Haven, Conn.
Perhaps at this point you're curious as to what happened to these Black Panthers.
In 1977, that's only eight years later, only one of the killers was still in jail. The shooter, Warren Kimbro, managed to get a scholarship to Harvard, and became good friends with none other than Al Gore. He later became an assistant dean at Eastern Connecticut State College. Isn't that something?
As a '60s radical you can pump a bullet into someone's head, and a few years later, in the same state, you can become an assistant college dean!
Only in America!
Erica Huggins was the lady who served the Panthers by boiling the water for Mr. Rackley's torture. Some years later Ms. Huggins was elected to a California School Board.
How in the world do you think these killers got off so easy?
Maybe it was in some part due to the efforts of two people who came to the defense of the Panthers. These two people actually went so far as to shut down Yale University with demonstrations in defense of the accused Black Panthers during their trial.
One of these people was none other than Bill Lan Lee. Mr. Lee, or Mr. Lan Lee, as the case may be, isn't a college dean. He isn't a member of a California School Board. He is now head of the US Justice Department's Civil Rights Division, appointed by none other than Bill Clinton.
O.K., so who was the other Panther defender?
Is this other notable Panther defender now a school board member?
Is this other Panther apologist now an assistant college dean? No, neither!
The other Panther defender was, like Lee, a radical law student at Yale University at the time. She is now known as The "smartest woman in the world."
She is none other than the Democratic senator from the State of New York, our former First Lady, the incredible Hillary Rodham Clinton.
And now, as Paul Harvey said; You know "the rest of the story".
Pass this on! This deserves the widest possible press.
Also remember it, if and when she runs for President.
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