Jokes
- Thread starter dgabriel
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A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.
"Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it."
"You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the rat."
The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him.
By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars.
Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run for the bridge.
Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it.
Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown.
Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop.
"Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner.
"No," says the tourist, "but I was wondering if you have any bronze lawyers?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it."
"You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the rat."
The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him.
By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars.
Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run for the bridge.
Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it.
Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown.
Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop.
"Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner.
"No," says the tourist, "but I was wondering if you have any bronze lawyers?"
This one may have made the rounds before.
The Food and Drug Administration has just announced the
following drugs have been released for trial in the US.
These are the newest medications for women, available only
by prescription
D A M I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go
to hell for up to 8 hours.
ST. M O M ' S W O R T Plant extract that treats
mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious
for up to six hours.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N Highly effective suppository
that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how
awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till
they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O Liquid silicone for single women.
Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast
size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
D U M E R O L When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause
dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of heavy metal and rap music.
F L I P I T O R Increases life expectancy of commuters by
controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N Potent antibiotic for older women.
Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a
better person ... can we get naked now?"
B U Y A G R A Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength B U Y-O N E-A L When combined with Buyagra,
can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may
even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
J A C K A S S P I R I N Relieves headache caused by a man
who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T A spray carried in a purse or
wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories
with total strangers.
S E X C E D R I N More effective than Excedrin in treating
the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.
R A G A M E T When administered to a husband, provides the
same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the
time and trouble of doing it herself
Bsulli
The Food and Drug Administration has just announced the
following drugs have been released for trial in the US.
These are the newest medications for women, available only
by prescription
D A M I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go
to hell for up to 8 hours.
ST. M O M ' S W O R T Plant extract that treats
mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious
for up to six hours.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N Highly effective suppository
that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how
awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till
they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O Liquid silicone for single women.
Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast
size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
D U M E R O L When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause
dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of heavy metal and rap music.
F L I P I T O R Increases life expectancy of commuters by
controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N Potent antibiotic for older women.
Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a
better person ... can we get naked now?"
B U Y A G R A Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength B U Y-O N E-A L When combined with Buyagra,
can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may
even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
J A C K A S S P I R I N Relieves headache caused by a man
who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T A spray carried in a purse or
wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories
with total strangers.
S E X C E D R I N More effective than Excedrin in treating
the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.
R A G A M E T When administered to a husband, provides the
same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the
time and trouble of doing it herself
Bsulli
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