Jokes
- Thread starter dgabriel
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Hey Bob & Cathy, do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
And who picks your clothes, Stevie Wonder?
Cathy is a real looker despite the insipid double chin, short legs, and slight potbelly.
And looking at Bob I finally understand what they mean by dark and handsome...when it's dark, he's handsome.
Don't get me wrong though they both have the faces of Saints...
Saint Bernards.
And who picks your clothes, Stevie Wonder?
Cathy is a real looker despite the insipid double chin, short legs, and slight potbelly.
And looking at Bob I finally understand what they mean by dark and handsome...when it's dark, he's handsome.
Don't get me wrong though they both have the faces of Saints...
Saint Bernards.
At the risk of stating the obvious, please don't attribute any political leaning to this item. Just appreciate the wry humor...
[Edited]
Subject: Some Thoughts on the Military Mind
1. "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
Paul Rodriguez
2. "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit"
- Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
3. "Aim towards the Enemy" - Instruction printed on US Rocket
Launcher
4. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.(U.S.
Marine Corp)
5. If the enemy is in range, so are you. (Infantry Journal)
6. Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons. (Gen. MacArthur)
7. Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo. (Infantry Journal)
8. You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me.
(U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt)
9. Five second fuses only last three seconds. (Infantry Journal)
10. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever
volunteer to do anything. (US Navy Swabbie)
11. Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.(David
Hackworth)
12. If your attack is going too well, you have walked into an
ambush.(Infantry Journal)
13. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.(Joe Gay)
14. Any ship can be a minesweeper . .. . once.(Admiral Hornblower)
15. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.(Unknown Marine Recruit)
16. Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you.
17. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.(Saddam Hussein)
18. If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your
mission properly.(David Hackworth)
[Edited]
Subject: Some Thoughts on the Military Mind
1. "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
Paul Rodriguez
2. "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit"
- Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
3. "Aim towards the Enemy" - Instruction printed on US Rocket
Launcher
4. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.(U.S.
Marine Corp)
5. If the enemy is in range, so are you. (Infantry Journal)
6. Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons. (Gen. MacArthur)
7. Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo. (Infantry Journal)
8. You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me.
(U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt)
9. Five second fuses only last three seconds. (Infantry Journal)
10. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever
volunteer to do anything. (US Navy Swabbie)
11. Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.(David
Hackworth)
12. If your attack is going too well, you have walked into an
ambush.(Infantry Journal)
13. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.(Joe Gay)
14. Any ship can be a minesweeper . .. . once.(Admiral Hornblower)
15. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.(Unknown Marine Recruit)
16. Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you.
17. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.(Saddam Hussein)
18. If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your
mission properly.(David Hackworth)
Teaching Math in 1950:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
Teaching Math in 1960:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
Teaching Math in 1970:
A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set "M." The set "C," the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than set "M." Represent the set "C" as subset of set "M" and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits?
Teaching Math in 1980:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
Teaching Math in 1990:
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels "feel" as the logger cut down the trees? There are no wrong answers.
Teaching Math in 2003:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $120. How does Arthur Andersen determine that his profit margin is $60?
Teaching Math in 2010:
El hachero vende un camion carga por $100. La cuesta de production es.....
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
Teaching Math in 1960:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
Teaching Math in 1970:
A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set "M." The set "C," the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than set "M." Represent the set "C" as subset of set "M" and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits?
Teaching Math in 1980:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
Teaching Math in 1990:
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels "feel" as the logger cut down the trees? There are no wrong answers.
Teaching Math in 2003:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $120. How does Arthur Andersen determine that his profit margin is $60?
Teaching Math in 2010:
El hachero vende un camion carga por $100. La cuesta de production es.....
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