Jokes
- Thread starter dgabriel
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Quote from Yannis:
abishiai,
Yes, I see your point... You have some solid thinking here.
And, to bring this closer to home, from what you wrote, I'm sure you would agree that Heaven is a place where all Americans vote Republican. Right?
You bet!
Don't you know, God is a Republican!
kp
ps: PLEASE! all you Dems., the above is said only in fun!! Don't flame me unless it's funny!
An actual letter from home from a marine with the multinational force in Bosnia:
Dear Dad,
A funny thing happened to me yesterday here at the camp:
A French army officer walked up to me in the PX and told me he thought we Americans were a bunch of cowboys and were going to provoke a war in Iraq. He said if such a thing happens, we wouldn't be able to count on the support of France.
I told him that it didn't surprise me since we had come to France's rescue in World War I, World War II, Vietnam, and the Cold War, their ingratitude and jealousy was bound to surface yet again sometime soon anyway.
I also told him that's why France is a third-rate military power with a socialist economy, and a bunch of pansies for soldiers. I additionally told him that America, being a nation of deeds and action, not words, would do whatever it had to do, and France's support, if it ever came, was only for show anyway.
Just like in ALL NATO exercises, the US would shoulder 85% of the burden, and provide 85% of the support, as evidenced by the fact that this French officer was shopping in the American PX, and not the other way around.
He began to get belligerent at that point, and I told him if he would like to, I would meet him outside in front of the Burger King and whip his ass in front of the entire Multi-National Brigade East, thus demonstrating that even the smallest American had more fight in him than the average Frenchman.
He called me a barbarian cowboy and walked away in a huff.
With friends like these, who needs enemies?
Dad, tell Mom I love her.
Your loving daughter,
Mary Beth Johnson, LtCol., USMC
Dear Dad,
A funny thing happened to me yesterday here at the camp:
A French army officer walked up to me in the PX and told me he thought we Americans were a bunch of cowboys and were going to provoke a war in Iraq. He said if such a thing happens, we wouldn't be able to count on the support of France.
I told him that it didn't surprise me since we had come to France's rescue in World War I, World War II, Vietnam, and the Cold War, their ingratitude and jealousy was bound to surface yet again sometime soon anyway.
I also told him that's why France is a third-rate military power with a socialist economy, and a bunch of pansies for soldiers. I additionally told him that America, being a nation of deeds and action, not words, would do whatever it had to do, and France's support, if it ever came, was only for show anyway.
Just like in ALL NATO exercises, the US would shoulder 85% of the burden, and provide 85% of the support, as evidenced by the fact that this French officer was shopping in the American PX, and not the other way around.
He began to get belligerent at that point, and I told him if he would like to, I would meet him outside in front of the Burger King and whip his ass in front of the entire Multi-National Brigade East, thus demonstrating that even the smallest American had more fight in him than the average Frenchman.
He called me a barbarian cowboy and walked away in a huff.
With friends like these, who needs enemies?
Dad, tell Mom I love her.
Your loving daughter,
Mary Beth Johnson, LtCol., USMC
Archangel,
Oh, I see. Based on your alias, everything about Heaven and Hell has to be approved by you. Well, that's fine by me. I'm a religious person, I understand, makes sense, thanks for clarifying this.
Now, about what I wrote, let me first ask you whether you actually thought that my reply was applicable and funny or that you simply didn't understand my joke and thought that it was some kind of political statement?
Just kidding, Arch, all in good fun, right???
Yannis - sorry, your humor must have been too subtle for me, finding it hard to tell when/if you're being sarcastic or serious.
Yeah, the reason I asked earlier was because your "everyone in Heaven votes republican" addendum wasn't in the same vein as the original joke and it put a political spin to a completely non-political joke. Hence my asking if you had thought the original joke had been political in nature (of course it's actually a decades old joke that's stereotype-based rather than politically-based).
Maybe it's the Claritan I took today and certain humor's zipping over my head right now.
BTW, the addendum to the original joke is that in addition to the painful job assignments noted earlier, on Sunday's everyone in Hell is submerged up to their chins in a giant lake of liquid excrement and Satan goes water skiing
Yeah, the reason I asked earlier was because your "everyone in Heaven votes republican" addendum wasn't in the same vein as the original joke and it put a political spin to a completely non-political joke. Hence my asking if you had thought the original joke had been political in nature (of course it's actually a decades old joke that's stereotype-based rather than politically-based).
Maybe it's the Claritan I took today and certain humor's zipping over my head right now.
BTW, the addendum to the original joke is that in addition to the painful job assignments noted earlier, on Sunday's everyone in Hell is submerged up to their chins in a giant lake of liquid excrement and Satan goes water skiing
http://money.cnn.com/2003/04/25/news/companies/southwest_pilots/index.htm
(so thats why it's called the cockpit)
(so thats why it's called the cockpit)
AL QAEDA HOLDS CAMEL WASH TO RAISE FUNDS FOR NEXT ATTACK ON AMERICA!
By AHMET FAROUK
SHABWA, Yemen -- Desperate Al Qaeda fighters have borrowed from a time-honored American tradition to raise money for their next cowardly assault on the U.S. -- by running a camel wash service!
CIA agents in the area confirm that the men running the camel wash are vicious Al Qaeda terrorists who fled from Afghanistan. But Yemeni locals are praising the fanatic fund-raisers for a job well done.
"Before Al Qaeda came around, I used to have to wash my camel with my own two hands," says Abu al-Nafeesa, a Yemeni tour guide who puts 100 miles worth of sand and grime on his dromedary each day.
"Now I can let others do the dirty work, instead of being spit on or kicked by my camel."
The camel wash is run by a team of 10 to 15 Al Qaeda, who hand-wash and towel-dry close to 50 of the animals per day.
A CIA operative who poses as a regular customer explains, "It's no secret that the 'War On Terror' has left Al Qaeda financially crippled, but what they are doing here is downright pathetic," says the agent, who spoke under condition of anonymity.
"They're out there scrubbing away like a high school cheerleading squad. They even have soap and water fights from time to time.
"Naturally, the U.S. is opposed to any activity that raises funds in the name of terrorism, so we will be shutting them down.
"We'll send all these camel-cleaners to our terrorist prison camp in Cuba. But first, we want to show the world what Osama's big bad Jihad warriors have been reduced to."
The camel-washers remain blissfully ignorant of their impending shutdown.
One cheerful employee chirps, "Bring in your beast. We'll bust our humps to get it clean."
By AHMET FAROUK
SHABWA, Yemen -- Desperate Al Qaeda fighters have borrowed from a time-honored American tradition to raise money for their next cowardly assault on the U.S. -- by running a camel wash service!
CIA agents in the area confirm that the men running the camel wash are vicious Al Qaeda terrorists who fled from Afghanistan. But Yemeni locals are praising the fanatic fund-raisers for a job well done.
"Before Al Qaeda came around, I used to have to wash my camel with my own two hands," says Abu al-Nafeesa, a Yemeni tour guide who puts 100 miles worth of sand and grime on his dromedary each day.
"Now I can let others do the dirty work, instead of being spit on or kicked by my camel."
The camel wash is run by a team of 10 to 15 Al Qaeda, who hand-wash and towel-dry close to 50 of the animals per day.
A CIA operative who poses as a regular customer explains, "It's no secret that the 'War On Terror' has left Al Qaeda financially crippled, but what they are doing here is downright pathetic," says the agent, who spoke under condition of anonymity.
"They're out there scrubbing away like a high school cheerleading squad. They even have soap and water fights from time to time.
"Naturally, the U.S. is opposed to any activity that raises funds in the name of terrorism, so we will be shutting them down.
"We'll send all these camel-cleaners to our terrorist prison camp in Cuba. But first, we want to show the world what Osama's big bad Jihad warriors have been reduced to."
The camel-washers remain blissfully ignorant of their impending shutdown.
One cheerful employee chirps, "Bring in your beast. We'll bust our humps to get it clean."
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