Jokes
- Thread starter dgabriel
- Start date
- Status
I like to consider myself a workaholic 
"Stay with this -- the answer is at the end. {edit: really?}
One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events.
The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at
schools, the computer age, and just things in general.
The Grandfather replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:
* television
* penicillin
* polio shots
* frozen foods
* Xerox
* contact lenses
* Frisbees and
* the pill
There were no:
* credit cards
* laser beams or
* ball-point pens
Man had not invented:
* pantyhose
* air conditioners
* dishwashers
* clothes dryers
* and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and
* man hadn't yet walked on the moon
Your Grandmother and I got married first, . . . and then lived together.
Every family had a father and a mother.
Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir".
And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title,
"Sir."
We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare
centers, and group therapy.
Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common
sense.
We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand
up and take responsibility for our actions.
Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger
privilege.
We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.
Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.
Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening
breeze started.
Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and
weekends-not purchasing condominiums.
We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters,
yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.
We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on
our radios.
And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to
Tommy Dorsey.
If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan' on it, it was junk
The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.
Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.
We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10
cents.
Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a
nickel.
And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough
stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.
You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . . . but who could afford one?
Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.
In my day:
* "grass" was mowed,
* "coke" was a cold drink,
* "pot" was something your mother cooked in and
* "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby.
* "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office,
* " chip" meant a piece of wood,
* "hardware" was found in a hardware store and
* "software" wasn't even a word.
And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a
husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us "old and confused" and
say there is a generation gap... and how old do you think I am?
I bet you have this old man in mind...you are in for a shock!
Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the
same time.
Are you ready ?????
This man would be only 59 years old"
One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events.
The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at
schools, the computer age, and just things in general.
The Grandfather replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:
* television
* penicillin
* polio shots
* frozen foods
* Xerox
* contact lenses
* Frisbees and
* the pill
There were no:
* credit cards
* laser beams or
* ball-point pens
Man had not invented:
* pantyhose
* air conditioners
* dishwashers
* clothes dryers
* and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and
* man hadn't yet walked on the moon
Your Grandmother and I got married first, . . . and then lived together.
Every family had a father and a mother.
Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir".
And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title,
"Sir."
We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare
centers, and group therapy.
Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common
sense.
We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand
up and take responsibility for our actions.
Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger
privilege.
We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.
Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.
Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening
breeze started.
Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and
weekends-not purchasing condominiums.
We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters,
yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.
We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on
our radios.
And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to
Tommy Dorsey.
If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan' on it, it was junk
The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.
Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.
We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10
cents.
Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a
nickel.
And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough
stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.
You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . . . but who could afford one?
Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.
In my day:
* "grass" was mowed,
* "coke" was a cold drink,
* "pot" was something your mother cooked in and
* "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby.
* "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office,
* " chip" meant a piece of wood,
* "hardware" was found in a hardware store and
* "software" wasn't even a word.
And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a
husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us "old and confused" and
say there is a generation gap... and how old do you think I am?
I bet you have this old man in mind...you are in for a shock!
Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the
same time.
Are you ready ?????
This man would be only 59 years old"
http://www.dohc.ie/statistics/health_statistics/table_b1.html
Average life expectancy was more about 65 in 1950 per the info on these tables. Now it is 75 for someone born in 2003.
You had me worried for a minute there Yannis.....phew!
:eek:
Average life expectancy was more about 65 in 1950 per the info on these tables. Now it is 75 for someone born in 2003.
You had me worried for a minute there Yannis.....phew!
:eek:
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out
of the corner of his eye....It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second
thought....Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a
third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side
of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door
reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long
black habit who asks, "What may we do for you my son?"
He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly
doing business...."
"Very well my son. Please follow me." He is led through many
winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door
and tells the man, "Please knock on this door."
He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup
answers the door.... This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup then go
through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway."
He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips
through the door pulling it shut behind him. The door locks, and he finds
himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:
GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS. SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER
of the corner of his eye....It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second
thought....Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a
third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side
of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door
reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long
black habit who asks, "What may we do for you my son?"
He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly
doing business...."
"Very well my son. Please follow me." He is led through many
winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door
and tells the man, "Please knock on this door."
He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup
answers the door.... This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup then go
through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway."
He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips
through the door pulling it shut behind him. The door locks, and he finds
himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:
GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS. SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER
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