Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
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https://www.quora.com/profile/Oren-Shani-1
There is this guy who walks into the bank every month and deposits a large amount of money. One day as he arrives, the bank manager meets him in the entrance, and asks him if he would like to have a drink with him at his office. When the man asks why, the bank manager tells him that it is a long standing tradition at this bank. “I like to get to know our most respected clients in person.”, He says.
So they go up to the manager's office at the top floor and over a glass of fine Whiskey, the bank manager asks this guy if he can tell him how does he make his money.
“It's simple.”, the guy says. “I win all kinds of bets”.
The bank manager is intrigued. “You mean you always win? That's impossible!”.
“Let me give you an example,” the guy says. “What if I bet you for 100,000 dollar that two weeks from now, you will have a giant mole on your ass chick?”
The bank manager laughs. “It's a bet!” he says, knowing that he has no mole on his behind.
“Great” the men says solemnly. “We will meet here at noon sharp, two weeks from now.’
Two weeks go by. The bank manager who did every once in a while check his behind in the mirror, to see that no dark spot have suddenly appeard there, waits in his room for that guy to arrive, confident that he just won an easy 100 grands. The guy appears just on time and with no further adue asks the bank manager if he would be so kind and take his pants down.
The bank manager does so confidently. “See! No mole!”
“Hmmm…” the man says. “Can you go closer to the window?”
The bank manager goes to the large glass window of his office. “No mole! See?! You loose! Now pay me my hundred grands!”
“I will pay you alright.”, the man says, “But I didn't loose.”
The bank manager is surprised. “Oh? How come?”
“Because I did a bet with just about everyone in the neighbouring office buildings that they're going to see your ass at the window today at noon”, the man says.
There is this guy who walks into the bank every month and deposits a large amount of money. One day as he arrives, the bank manager meets him in the entrance, and asks him if he would like to have a drink with him at his office. When the man asks why, the bank manager tells him that it is a long standing tradition at this bank. “I like to get to know our most respected clients in person.”, He says.
So they go up to the manager's office at the top floor and over a glass of fine Whiskey, the bank manager asks this guy if he can tell him how does he make his money.
“It's simple.”, the guy says. “I win all kinds of bets”.
The bank manager is intrigued. “You mean you always win? That's impossible!”.
“Let me give you an example,” the guy says. “What if I bet you for 100,000 dollar that two weeks from now, you will have a giant mole on your ass chick?”
The bank manager laughs. “It's a bet!” he says, knowing that he has no mole on his behind.
“Great” the men says solemnly. “We will meet here at noon sharp, two weeks from now.’
Two weeks go by. The bank manager who did every once in a while check his behind in the mirror, to see that no dark spot have suddenly appeard there, waits in his room for that guy to arrive, confident that he just won an easy 100 grands. The guy appears just on time and with no further adue asks the bank manager if he would be so kind and take his pants down.
The bank manager does so confidently. “See! No mole!”
“Hmmm…” the man says. “Can you go closer to the window?”
The bank manager goes to the large glass window of his office. “No mole! See?! You loose! Now pay me my hundred grands!”
“I will pay you alright.”, the man says, “But I didn't loose.”
The bank manager is surprised. “Oh? How come?”
“Because I did a bet with just about everyone in the neighbouring office buildings that they're going to see your ass at the window today at noon”, the man says.
Here is a similar joke!!
The IRS Audits A Gambling Grandpa
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he ends up urinating all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it.
The IRS Audits A Gambling Grandpa
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he ends up urinating all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it.
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re: Poison testing - a lost medieval occupation.
The Boss always insisted that only Abdul should serve his coffee, but yesterday, this conversation happened.
Boss: "Abdul, since the last 8 years you have brought me coffee filled to the brim without spilling even a drop. How do you manage that over these stairs?"
Abdul: "Sir, just before I climb up the stairs, I take a big sip. As I get upstairs, I put it back."
Today is Abdul's farewell party.
The Boss always insisted that only Abdul should serve his coffee, but yesterday, this conversation happened.
Boss: "Abdul, since the last 8 years you have brought me coffee filled to the brim without spilling even a drop. How do you manage that over these stairs?"
Abdul: "Sir, just before I climb up the stairs, I take a big sip. As I get upstairs, I put it back."
Today is Abdul's farewell party.