Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
So Little Johnny...
The neighbor lady has a new baby.
Unfortunately, it was born without ears.
When she and the baby came home from the hospital, Johnny’s family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house though, Little Johnny’s dad sat him down and had stern talk with him.
"Look Johnny... if you say one word about that baby being born without ears... when we get home, I swear, I will beat your ass."
Little Johnny smiled sweetly and told his dad that he understood completely and he wouldn't say a thing.
They went next door, said hi to the mom and proceeded into the baby's new room.
When Johnny looked in the crib he exclaims: "My, what a beautiful little baby."
"Well thank you Johnny" the new mom replied, "that's very nice of you to say."
"Yeah" said Johnny, "he has beautiful little feet, a cute little nose, lots of hair, ... and just look at his big blue eyes. He can see alright can't he?"
"Oh yes" answered mom, "the pediatrician said he has perfect 20/20 vision."
"That's good" says Johnny, "because if he needed glasses... he'd be fucked."
The neighbor lady has a new baby.
Unfortunately, it was born without ears.
When she and the baby came home from the hospital, Johnny’s family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house though, Little Johnny’s dad sat him down and had stern talk with him.
"Look Johnny... if you say one word about that baby being born without ears... when we get home, I swear, I will beat your ass."
Little Johnny smiled sweetly and told his dad that he understood completely and he wouldn't say a thing.
They went next door, said hi to the mom and proceeded into the baby's new room.
When Johnny looked in the crib he exclaims: "My, what a beautiful little baby."
"Well thank you Johnny" the new mom replied, "that's very nice of you to say."
"Yeah" said Johnny, "he has beautiful little feet, a cute little nose, lots of hair, ... and just look at his big blue eyes. He can see alright can't he?"
"Oh yes" answered mom, "the pediatrician said he has perfect 20/20 vision."
"That's good" says Johnny, "because if he needed glasses... he'd be fucked."
It doesn't end there however...
So a few weeks later... dad takes Little Johnny and his older brother out to lunch at the local diner.
The waitress comes over and asks what they want.
Dad glances up from the menu and says "I'll have the baked linguini with Italian sausage and meatballs."
The waitress scribbles it down and then looks at Little Johnny's older brother.
"What do you want sweetie?"
Well this kid is no angel either, so he says "I'm hungry. I want a large order of french-fries and a god-damn cheeseburger."
Once again shocked... Dad rears back and slaps the sh*t out of him.
The waitress, pretending not to notice looks at at Little Johnny and asks what he wants.
Little Johnny replies: "I don't know yet, but you can bet your ass it's not gonna be a fucking cheeseburger."
So a few weeks later... dad takes Little Johnny and his older brother out to lunch at the local diner.
The waitress comes over and asks what they want.
Dad glances up from the menu and says "I'll have the baked linguini with Italian sausage and meatballs."
The waitress scribbles it down and then looks at Little Johnny's older brother.
"What do you want sweetie?"
Well this kid is no angel either, so he says "I'm hungry. I want a large order of french-fries and a god-damn cheeseburger."
Once again shocked... Dad rears back and slaps the sh*t out of him.
The waitress, pretending not to notice looks at at Little Johnny and asks what he wants.
Little Johnny replies: "I don't know yet, but you can bet your ass it's not gonna be a fucking cheeseburger."
The only thread I can come back to and have a good time lol 