Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
Johnny is playing in the dirt with some earthworms. His grandfather comes out to ask him what he’s doing. “I’m trying to get these worms back in their holes.”
The grandfather chuckles, “You’ll never get that to work, boy.”
Johnny won’t give up and grandpa watches, amused. Johnny stops to think, then his face lights up with an idea. He runs inside to the laundry room and returns with a can of spray starch. After starching the worms stiff, he slides the worms back into the ground.
Grandpa gets excited and tells Johnny, “You are a very clever boy! Here’s a dollar.” He then grabs the can and runs inside as fast as he can go.
About an hour later, grandpa saunters back out and says, “Very clever boy, Johnny. Here, take this dollar.”
Johnny says, “Grandpa! You are getting forgetful. You already gave me a dollar.”
Grandpa just grins and says, “No Johnny, this one is from your grandma.”
The grandfather chuckles, “You’ll never get that to work, boy.”
Johnny won’t give up and grandpa watches, amused. Johnny stops to think, then his face lights up with an idea. He runs inside to the laundry room and returns with a can of spray starch. After starching the worms stiff, he slides the worms back into the ground.
Grandpa gets excited and tells Johnny, “You are a very clever boy! Here’s a dollar.” He then grabs the can and runs inside as fast as he can go.
About an hour later, grandpa saunters back out and says, “Very clever boy, Johnny. Here, take this dollar.”
Johnny says, “Grandpa! You are getting forgetful. You already gave me a dollar.”
Grandpa just grins and says, “No Johnny, this one is from your grandma.”
On Golf...
"I only hit two balls today, and that was when I stepped on a rake."
"I only hit two balls today, and that was when I stepped on a rake."
Talking back to the street corner preacher...
“You sir, are going to hell!"
1. I'll see you there.
2. Nah man, I’m just going to the DMV, you're going to hell for lying.
3. I’m just going to the DMV, it's pretty much the same thing.
Add some...
“You sir, are going to hell!"
1. I'll see you there.
2. Nah man, I’m just going to the DMV, you're going to hell for lying.
3. I’m just going to the DMV, it's pretty much the same thing.
Add some...
A man driving home from the bar gets pulled over by a police officer.
Officer: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”
Driver: “I’m guessing you think I was drunk driving.”
Officer: “Tell you what, my shift is ending so if you can spell the alphabet backwards, I’ll let you go.”
Driver: (very quickly) “ZYXWVUTSRQPONMLKJIHGFEDCBA.”
Officer: “Wow, I couldn’t do that sober.”
Driver: “Me neither.”
Officer: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”
Driver: “I’m guessing you think I was drunk driving.”
Officer: “Tell you what, my shift is ending so if you can spell the alphabet backwards, I’ll let you go.”
Driver: (very quickly) “ZYXWVUTSRQPONMLKJIHGFEDCBA.”
Officer: “Wow, I couldn’t do that sober.”
Driver: “Me neither.”
Old Man Johnson was sitting on his porch when Little Timmy walked past.
“Whatchya got there, boy?” he shouts.
“Duct Tape”, replied Little Timmy.
“What do you plan to do with that?”
“I’m gonna catch me some ducks!”
“Silly boy,” says Old Man Johnson. “You can’t catch ducks with duct tape!”
Little Timmy smiles and says, “Watch me”.
Later that afternoon, Old Man Johnson was sitting on his porch when Little Timmy walks past with his duct tape unrolled behind him, and seven ducks with their feet stuck to it.
“Well I’ll be”, says Old Man Johnson.
The next day, Old Man Johnson is sitting on his porch when Little Timmy walks by.
“Whatchya got there, boy?” he shouts.
“Chicken wire!” replies Little Timmy.
“What do you plan to do with that?”
“I’m gonna catch me some chickens!”
“Silly boy,” says Old Man Johnson. “You can’t catch chickens with chicken wire!”
Little Timmy smiles and says, “Watch me”.
Later that afternoon, Old Man Johnson is sitting on his porch when Little Timmy walks past with his chicken wire unrolled behind him, and seven chickens with their feet caught in it.
“Well I’ll be,” says Old Man Johnson.
The next day, Old Man Johnson is sitting on his porch when Little Timmy walks past.
“Whatchya got there, boy?” he shouts.
“Pussy willow,” replies Little Timmy.
“Hold up, I’ll get my hat.”
“Whatchya got there, boy?” he shouts.
“Duct Tape”, replied Little Timmy.
“What do you plan to do with that?”
“I’m gonna catch me some ducks!”
“Silly boy,” says Old Man Johnson. “You can’t catch ducks with duct tape!”
Little Timmy smiles and says, “Watch me”.
Later that afternoon, Old Man Johnson was sitting on his porch when Little Timmy walks past with his duct tape unrolled behind him, and seven ducks with their feet stuck to it.
“Well I’ll be”, says Old Man Johnson.
The next day, Old Man Johnson is sitting on his porch when Little Timmy walks by.
“Whatchya got there, boy?” he shouts.
“Chicken wire!” replies Little Timmy.
“What do you plan to do with that?”
“I’m gonna catch me some chickens!”
“Silly boy,” says Old Man Johnson. “You can’t catch chickens with chicken wire!”
Little Timmy smiles and says, “Watch me”.
Later that afternoon, Old Man Johnson is sitting on his porch when Little Timmy walks past with his chicken wire unrolled behind him, and seven chickens with their feet caught in it.
“Well I’ll be,” says Old Man Johnson.
The next day, Old Man Johnson is sitting on his porch when Little Timmy walks past.
“Whatchya got there, boy?” he shouts.
“Pussy willow,” replies Little Timmy.
“Hold up, I’ll get my hat.”
Sadly, there are few people left in America who grew up on or near a farm.
Let me enlighten those that did not: Food does not come from the grocery store.
Even though this video is not in English, it is the funniest thing I have seen in a long time.
It is the smartest prank ever for those that really like fresh made sausage.
Click on the link below.
https://www.youtube-nocookie. com/embed/k1bG2EPGmI0? autoplay=1&vq=hd720&rel=0& showinfo=0&start=82&end=321
Let me enlighten those that did not: Food does not come from the grocery store.
Even though this video is not in English, it is the funniest thing I have seen in a long time.
It is the smartest prank ever for those that really like fresh made sausage.
Click on the link below.
https://www.youtube-nocookie. com/embed/k1bG2EPGmI0? autoplay=1&vq=hd720&rel=0& showinfo=0&start=82&end=321
