Jokes 2

I've torn out my alarm system & de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch!
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in my front garden, one at each corner and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, Sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7.

I've never felt safer :)
 
One of these days I am going to make it my life's mission to track down Rachel from card Member services and beat her to death with a telephone.
 
The Indian Dot

FINALLY, SOMEONE HAS CLEARED THIS UP...
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian embassy in Ottawa has recently revealed the true story.When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop, a taxi cab, or a motel in the United States. If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones and provide us with Verizon technical support.

:):):)
 
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Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. “I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it’s the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others” he is told by the doorman.

Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants. “See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!”

”That’s wonderful!” says Albert. “We can discuss mathematics!”

”And here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!”

”That’s wonderful!” says Albert. “We can discuss physics!”

”And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!”

”That’s wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!”

Just then another man moves out to capture Albert’s hand and shake it. “I’m your last room mate and I’m sorry, but my IQ is only 80.”

Albert smiles back at him and says, “So, where do you think interest rates are headed?”
 
gwb-trading said:
Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. “I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it’s the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others” he is told by the doorman.

Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants. “See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!”

”That’s wonderful!” says Albert. “We can discuss mathematics!”

”And here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!”

”That’s wonderful!” says Albert. “We can discuss physics!”

”And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!”

”That’s wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!”

Just then another man moves out to capture Albert’s hand and shake it. “I’m your last room mate and I’m sorry, but my IQ is only 80.”

Albert smiles back at him and says, “So, where do you think interest rates are headed?”
More...

Finally he comes to a pompous looking gent who says "excuse me Albert I may be the lowest on the IQ scale but I made millions in Congress".
 
I have received many remarkable nature photographs over the years, but this photo of a nesting Falcon is perhaps the most remarkable nature shot that I have ever seen. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

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:):):)
 
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