Jokes 2

Exercise For People Over 50

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then try 50-lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level...)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks!

:) :) :)
 
Quote from flytiger:

I like baseball. It's the time of year where "DP" means something other than double penetration.
More...

Today's true story:

I am currently working IT on a retail banking project where "DP" means "discretionary pricing". Basically when a customer comes in you can provide them discretionary pricing (0.5% off, etc.) of a loan to match the bank across the street or for other reasons. DP is used as tool to close the deal with the customer... and we always refer to it as "DP".

In a recent meeting we had a lady senior director drop in. She goes on a rant that she loves DP, her branch associates think DP is great, and her customers always want DP, DP is awesome.... and then she leaves the room.

The project manager looks up and says "Now who is going to send her the urban dictionary link for 'DP'?"
 
Quote from gwb-trading:

Today's true story:

I am currently working IT on a retail banking project where "DP" means "discretionary pricing". Basically when a customer comes in you can provide them discretionary pricing (0.5% off, etc.) of a loan to match the bank across the street or for other reasons. DP is used as tool to close the deal with the customer... and we always refer to it as "DP".

In a recent meeting we had a lady senior director drop in. She goes on a rant that she loves DP, her branch associates think DP is great, and her customers always want DP, DP is awesome.... and then she leaves the room.

The project manager looks up and says "Now who is going to send her the urban dictionary link for 'DP'?"
More...

Oh, me!!! Me!!!
 
Quote from gwb-trading:

Today's true story:

I am currently working IT on a retail banking project where "DP" means "discretionary pricing". Basically when a customer comes in you can provide them discretionary pricing (0.5% off, etc.) of a loan to match the bank across the street or for other reasons. DP is used as tool to close the deal with the customer... and we always refer to it as "DP".

In a recent meeting we had a lady senior director drop in. She goes on a rant that she loves DP, her branch associates think DP is great, and her customers always want DP, DP is awesome.... and then she leaves the room.

The project manager looks up and says "Now who is going to send her the urban dictionary link for 'DP'?"
More...

For a while I worked on an IT project that included a subsection of apps dealing with "Time and Attendance" abbreviated as T&A.

On that project we were all assigned 12 hour days. Management brought us crappy lunches to help morale. The sales pukes complained about us techs getting all this free food. So management made it dinner and said "Anyone still in the office after 6 gets dinner." Only one sales puke tried it and he never came back, LOL.
 
Quote from Yannis:

Exercise For People Over 50

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then try 50-lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level...)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks!

:) :) :)
More...

LOL! Good one!

:D
 
One morning 3 South Carolina good ole boys and 3 Yankees were in a
ticket line at the Greenville train station heading to Charlotte for a
big football game.
The 3 Northerners each bought a ticket and watched as the 3 Southerners bought just one ticket among them.
"How are the 3 of you going to travel on one 1 ticket?" asked one
of the Yankees. "Watch and learn" answered one of the boys from the
South.

When the 6 travelers boarded the train, the 3 Yankees sat down
but the 3 Southerners crammed into a bathroom together and closed the door.
Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect
tickets. He knocked on the bathroom door and said, "tickets please." the door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The Conductor took it and moved on.
The Yankees saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea.. Indeed,
so clever that they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and
save some money.

That evening after the game when they got to the Charlotte train station,
they bought a single ticket for the return trip while to their
astonishment the 3 Southerners didn't buy even 1 ticket.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one of the perplexed
Yankees. "Watch and learn", answered one of the Southern boys.

When they boarded the train the 3 Northerners crammed themselves into a
bathroom and the 3 Southerners crammed themselves into the other bathroom across from it.

Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Southerners left their bathroom and walked quietly over to the Yankee's bathroom. He knocked on the door and said "ticket please".

There's just no way on God's green earth to explain how the Yankees won the war...
 
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