Jokes 2

I always remembered whenever dad used to swear he'd say afterwards "pardon my french"

then one day at school the teacher asked "does anyone speak a foreign language?"

I raised my hand.... :cool:
 
My friend got into a fight last night and was getting the shit kicked out of him.

To stop my friend from getting seriously injured, I had to pull the other guy off.

And that's when he came.
 
Wrt Average American

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:) :) :)
 
Steve Martin Quotes

"All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work."
"I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87."
"Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke."
"The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself."
"(asks audience) How many people have cats? ... Now let me ask you this. ... Do you trust 'em?"
"A day without sunshine is, like, you know, ... night."
"I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was ... a large Arctic region covered with ice."
"You say 'Steve, how can I be a millionaire and never pay taxes?' ... Two simple words. ... 'I forgot.'"
"I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too."
"Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything."
"I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks."
"Love is a promise delivered already broken."
"Comedy might be big business, but it isn't pretty."
"Talking about music is like dancing about architecture."

:) :) :)
 
I'm driving this morning and notice a big fat woman riding a motorcycle in front of me.
I roll down the window and scream 'cow!'...she automatically replies..'asshole!' and then bam!
runs into the cow....
 
"Oi, nutmeg you fat bastard," said my wife. "I'm putting you on a diet, you need to get rid of that lard ass of yours."

That was a week ago and I'm doing well. I've already managed to lose the lard ass, and now with her out of the way I'm hoping to move my girlfriend in.
 
Quote from nutmeg:

"Oi, ...... I'm hoping to move my girlfriend in.
More...

Having a rather large penis and also a foot fetish, I thought it was best to ask my new girlfriend -

"Where do you stand on big cocks?"
 
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