Jokes 2

I found a note stuck on my door from my sexy blonde neighbor, saying "I want you to come over tonight and fuck me stupid"..


Nobody calls me names then asks for a favor.
 
One day a woman went for a walk in her neighborhood and came across a boy with some puppies. “Would you like a puppy? They aren’t ready for new homes quite yet, but they will be in a few weeks!”

“Oh, they’re adorable,” the lady said. “What kind of dogs are they?”


“These are economists.”
“OK. I’ll tell my husband.”

So she went home and told her husband. He was very interested to see the puppies. About a week later he came across the lad; the puppies were very active.

“Hey, Mister. Want a puppy?”
“I think my wife spoke with you last week. What kind of dogs are these?”
“Oh. These are decision analysts.”
“I thought you said last week that they were economists.”
“Yeah, but they’ve opened their eyes since then.”
 
New Humanoid Species

Yes, you guessed it, it’s a new breed of young humanoid beings!

attachment.php


They are referred to as “Homoslackass-Erectus” created by natural genetic evolution through constant spineless posturing and spasmatic upper limb gestures, which new research has shown to cause a shorter legs and an inability to ambulate other than in an awkward shuffling gait.

:) :) :)
 

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ehhh... showing your ass is just a by product of pussyfication of men. Girls always be showing they ass/ Boys are jealous. baggy pants = "I got booty".
 
Quote from Yannis:

New Humanoid Species

Yes, you guessed it, it’s a new breed of young humanoid beings!

attachment.php


They are referred to as “Homoslackass-Erectus” created by natural genetic evolution through constant spineless posturing and spasmatic upper limb gestures, which new research has shown to cause a shorter legs and an inability to ambulate other than in an awkward shuffling gait.

:) :) :)
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leave your guns behind son
don't give that boy a gun
 
Quote from Wayne Gibbous:

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
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From the same page and worth repeating
 
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.

Suddenly, Lorraine died.

At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
 
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