Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part
he had ever seen!
'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician
commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity.'
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.
'My God!' the wife exclaimed, The 'Schwartz is dead!'
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part
he had ever seen!
'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician
commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity.'
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.
'My God!' the wife exclaimed, The 'Schwartz is dead!'
Quote from Yannis:
Removing Bad Luck
<iframe width="640" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/0u4dTObs2no?feature=player_detailpage" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
LOL! Might not change your luck, but you'll definately stop complaining about it.:eek:
Wrt Politics
The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~Henry Cate, VII
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
~Aesop
If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven.
~Will Rogers
Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber. ~Plato
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
~Nikita Khrushchev
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.
~Clarence Darrow
Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.
~Author Unknown
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. ~John Quinton
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
~Oscar Ameringer
I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. ~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
~ Texas Guinan
Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so.
~Gore Vidal
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
~Charles de Gaulle
Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
~Ronald Reagan
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city , it might be better to change the locks.
~Doug Larson
The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~Henry Cate, VII
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
~Aesop
If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven.
~Will Rogers
Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber. ~Plato
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
~Nikita Khrushchev
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.
~Clarence Darrow
Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.
~Author Unknown
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. ~John Quinton
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
~Oscar Ameringer
I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. ~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
~ Texas Guinan
Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so.
~Gore Vidal
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
~Charles de Gaulle
Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
~Ronald Reagan
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city , it might be better to change the locks.
~Doug Larson