Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
Larry, the Cable Guy
"Even after the Super Bowl victory of the New Orleans Saints, I have noticed a large number of people implying, with bad jokes, that Cajuns aren't smart. I would like to state for the record that I disagree with that assessment. Anybody that would build a city 5 feet below sea level in a hurricane zone and fill it with Democrats who can't swim is a genius."
Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in our country lately: Illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida... Not me, I concentrate on solutions for the problems, it's a win-win situation:
* Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
* Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levees.
* Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.
Any other problems you would like for me to solve today?
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq .... why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: you cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians... It creates a hostile work environment!
"Even after the Super Bowl victory of the New Orleans Saints, I have noticed a large number of people implying, with bad jokes, that Cajuns aren't smart. I would like to state for the record that I disagree with that assessment. Anybody that would build a city 5 feet below sea level in a hurricane zone and fill it with Democrats who can't swim is a genius."
Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in our country lately: Illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida... Not me, I concentrate on solutions for the problems, it's a win-win situation:
* Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
* Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levees.
* Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.
Any other problems you would like for me to solve today?
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq .... why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: you cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians... It creates a hostile work environment!
A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry. " The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.
After they leave, he asks, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."
"The one on the right."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?
"I don't like her..."
After they leave, he asks, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."
"The one on the right."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?
"I don't like her..."
THE OFFICIAL TEXAS SHERIFF EXAM
A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big, 6' 2", strong as
a longhorn, and fast as mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air
at 40 paces.
When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of
working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department.
After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him
into his office for the young man's last interview.
The Chief Deputy said, "You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot. So
far your qualifications all look good, but we have, what you might call,
an"Attitude Suitability Test", that you must take before you can be accepted.
We just don't let anyone carry our badge, son."
Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief
said, "Take this pistol and go out and shoot: six illegal aliens, six lawyers,
six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, six Democrats, and a rabbit."
"Why the rabbit?" queried the applicant.
"Great attitude. You pass," said the Chief Deputy. "When can you start?"
A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big, 6' 2", strong as
a longhorn, and fast as mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air
at 40 paces.
When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of
working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department.
After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him
into his office for the young man's last interview.
The Chief Deputy said, "You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot. So
far your qualifications all look good, but we have, what you might call,
an"Attitude Suitability Test", that you must take before you can be accepted.
We just don't let anyone carry our badge, son."
Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief
said, "Take this pistol and go out and shoot: six illegal aliens, six lawyers,
six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, six Democrats, and a rabbit."
"Why the rabbit?" queried the applicant.
"Great attitude. You pass," said the Chief Deputy. "When can you start?"