Jokes 2

I think our resident pilot is in exile and I got an airplane joke - dang.

:D ...maybe he'll read this....:cool:

I called the emergency number of my hang gliding club.

A voice said " All lines are busy, would you like to call back later
or hold on?"

I thought Fuck, I'd better hold on.
 
When former President George W. Bush nominated John Roberts to become Chief Justice of the United States, a newly elected senator named Barak Obama voted against his confirmation.
-----------------------------

Like grandpa used to say...

"The anvil was delicious, but irony."

:D
 
I think I'm in big trouble at work tomorrow. This morning I phoned the boss saying I was too ill to come in today.

Then, just my luck, he took the afternoon off and caught me trying to set fire to his house.
 
My secretary came into my office and said "Boss, I've got some bad news for you."

"Oh for fuck's sake!" I yelled. "For once, for just fucking once can I not get some good news? This company's going down the toilet, the Doctor's told me my my blood pressure's sky high, my daughter's new boyfriend is a black and worst of all, the fucking wife's found out I've been banging you every chance I've get."

As I took some deep breaths, she said
"Gee whiz, boss, sorry."

"She's hit the fucking roof" I continued, "and told me if I don't pack it in, I'm finished. One more fuck up and I'll be kicked out, and she'll take me for every penny.
So just for once give me some fucking news that's good."

"Oh, ok. Good news boss." she said.


"You're not sterile."
 
A sailor with one eye came into the pub last night. He stopped and looked around as if looking for someone.

I went up to him, "Alright mate, lost yer parrot?"

He grimaced, "Are you trying to be funny?"

"No, its just that there was a parrot in earlier asking about a sailor with one eye."

"Really?!"

"Of course not you stupid fuck."
 
The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good news Private Peters will be setting the pace on our morning run.”

With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Peters was overweight and terribly slow.

But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Peters will be driving a truck!"

:) :) :)
 
Some authors write in first person and others write in third person. But I'm writing my book in fifth person, so every sentence starts out with: 'I heard from this guy who told somebody....'
 
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