Jokes 2

#1: We're going to dress up as Wiseguys for Halloween. Flashy suits & cheap jewelry. #2: People will just think you work at Morgan Stanley.

#1: Anyone who thought Corzine understood risk is an idiot. #2: Remember his car crash in '07. No seat belt. Going 90 MPH. #1: Retarded.


#1: With their liberal arts degrees, you'd think these protesters could make better signs. #2 (laughs): Hence 'unemployed.'
 
Quote from nutmeg:

A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington , DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage.

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'

The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.'

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page...
So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'

The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.'

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:




U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS

AFRICAN IMMIGRANT

AND STEALS HIS LUNCH




That pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days
chucklin
 
The Deaf Italian Bookkeeper

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00.



His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing and would therefore never have to testify in court.



When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about the missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language.



The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is."



The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?



Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."



The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about."



The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"



The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."



Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind

the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."



The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"



The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
 
Scientists have discovered that people will believe anything that you tell them scientists have discovered.




Uh-oh. This is no joke.
 
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Subject: Texas Police Do Care


Texas Police Do Care


I get irritated when people come down on our police officers,
saying that they don't care about or respect others.
Well, here is a story that clearly shows not all cops are in that category.

This story involves the police department in the small hill country
town of Fredericksburg , TX who reported finding a man's body last
Saturday in the early evening in the Pedernales River near the state highway-87
bridge. The dead man's name would not be released until his family had been
notified.

The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption
while visiting "someone" in Kerrville .
He was wearing black fishnet stockings, 4 inch spiked heels, a red garter belt,
a pink G-string, purple lipstick,
dazzle dust on his eyelids, 1/2 inch false eyelashes and an Obama T-shirt.

The police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any
unnecessary embarrassment.

See there, Texas police do care.
 
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