Jokes 2

Some More Pearls Of Wisdom

It 's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.
You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
We have enough youth.How about a fountain of "smart"?
The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
A fool and his money can throw one heck of a party.
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Don't Drink and Drive, You might hit a bump and spill something.
If at first you don't succeed skydiving is not for you...
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
Time's fun when you're having flies.......Kermit the Frog
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
Red meat is not bad for you - Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name...
One good thing about Alzheimer's is you get to meet new people every day.
Alabama state motto: At least we're not Mississippi...!
The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population...
You know why a banana is like a politician? When he first comes in he is green, then he turns yellow and then he's rotten.
I think Congressmen should wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers so we could identify their corporate sponsors.
And: ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY!

:) :) :)
 
Quote from Yannis:

Some More Pearls Of Wisdom

And: ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY!

:) :) :)
More...

Reminds me of school. Our English teacher gave us this quote.

“It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.”

I raised my hand and asked "What does 'remove all doubt' mean?"
 
Barack Obama went to meet his eighth cousin when he was in Ireland this week.

To give you an idea how far removed that is, my seventh cousin is Jackie Chan.
 
Quote from nutmeg:

Reminds me of school. Our English teacher gave us this quote.

“It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.”

I raised my hand and asked "What does 'remove all doubt' mean?"
More...
And... What did she say? How long was her speech? :)
 
Just talked to my ex Brother-in-law. Poor guy, trying to learn how to cook. He called, wanting to know how to tell if spaghetti is done.

"Throw it against the wall and see if it sticks." I told him.

I heard him put the phone down, then a big splash.

"OK, a little stuck but most of it fell on the floor. Now what?"
 
Here's a little tip if you find yourself in hospital for a few days.

Masturbating while hooked up to a heart rate monitor scares the nurses a lot.
 
So I was looking for work and knocked on a farmers door and I asked the farmer if he has any odd jobs, the farmer says "yes milk the horse" .
 
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