Oh, La La(2)!
Did you know the toothbrush was invented by the French?
If it had been invented by anyone else it would have been called the Teethbrush.
Q: when was the last good french barbecue?
A: 1431, and it involved Joan of Arc
Q: Why don't the French Barbeque?
A: The snails keep slipping between the grills.
Q: How do you get a French waiter's attention?
A: Start ordering in German.
Q: What's the difference between France and Quebec?
A: Quebec has prettier women and colder beer.
Q: Why do the French like smelly cheeses?
A: Well, in a room full of French people, you can't really smell the cheese.
"A Frenchmen's home is where another man's wife is." - Mark Twain -1878-79 Journal
"There is nothing lower than the human race...except for the French." - Mark Twain 1878-79
"French history: They turn on their friends and surrender to their enemies!"
I got a tip for you , if you install the french versions of your favorite programs, THEY RUN A LOT FASTER
The makers of French's Mustard made the following recent statement: "We at the French's Company wish to put an end to statements that our product is manufactured in France. There is no relationship, nor has there ever been a relationship, between our mustard and the country of France. Indeed, our mustard is manufactured in Rochester, NY. The only thing we have in common is that we are both yellow".
Why wouldn't the Statue of Liberty work in France? Because she has only one arm raised.
Q. How do you stop a French tank?
A. Say "boo"
How do you separate the men from the boys in France? With a crowbar.
Hey ! Do you know what's the difference between a Frenchman and a chimpansee ? - One of them is hairy, stinky, and scratches his ass all the time. The other is a chimpansee.
Why do the french get more votes in the U.N. They vote with both hands
Q. What is the difference between a frenchwoman and a basketball team?
A. The basketball team showers after 4 periods.
The Surgeon General got a new law passed: all cigarette boxes must have a picture of a French guy on it.
Q. How many jokes are there about the French?
A. One, the rest are true
What is the french peoples favorite movie? the running man
During WW2, the French resistance fighters, in their finest hour, bravely threw sticks of dynamite at the advancing German troops. The Germans then lit them and threw them back.
Q.What is the first thing the French teach their kids in school?
A.How to say "We Surrender" in German!
Q. Why don't cheesburgers sell well in France
A. Because they don't smell like crap.
When is it white laundry day in France? Never, any white laundry in france is already hung up on a stick being waved
Q. How many frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. One, because he holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him
Q. How do you confuse a French Soldier?
A. Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it.
Q. Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France
A.They do not know how to say "CHARGE!"
Q. What do women who are snipers in the French military use as camouflage?
A. Their armpits
Q. Whats the difference between a frenchmen and a bucket of shit?
A. The bucket
What do you call a french man killed defending his country? ... I don't know either, its never happened!
Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous Frenchmen? People were confused about which side to spit on.
"I just love the French. They taste like chicken!"
Q. Why do french people always wear yellow?
A. To match the color of their blood!
Why do the French never perform �the wave� at a soccer game? Because, that's a gesture reserved for use only in time of war.
Q. What does a French military alliance and a French romance have in common?
A. Both are brief, sordid, and completely meaningless.
Q. What's the difference between a Frenchman and a catfish?
A. One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish.
Q. What's the difference between a Frenchman and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline.
The French have only one actual fighting war hero, Joan of Arc, and they turned her over to the enemy!
Question: What English word has no equivalent in the French language?
Answer: Gratitude
Why does the French Navy suck? Because cardboard doesn't float!
Q. Since everyone knows that French men are gay, how come there are French children?
A. Because of the confusion caused by the fact that French women have mustaches!!
Q. Do you know why so many Europeans Immigrated to North America? A. To get as far away from the French as possible.
What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad? A salesman
What's the shortest book ever written? French War Heroes.
As read this on the back of a public restroom door. "Here I sit with my buns a'clenchin, giving birth to another Frenchman.
Q. What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training?
A. How to surrender in at least 10 languages.
Q. What is the most useful thing in the French Army?
A. A rearview mirror, so they can see the war.
Why does Nike like the French Army?
Because, in war time, they are the biggest buyers of running shoes.
Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 so wildly? It was their first time they won anything without the help of the U.S.
What's the difference between 1943 and 2003? This time around, the Vichy government is telling the German puppets what to do.
Q. Why do the French Smell?
A. So blind people can hate them too!
Q. Why do the french call their fighter the *Mirage*?
A. Because it doesn't really exist.
Q. Why don't the French eat M&M candies?
A. They're too hard to peel.
Going to war without the French on your side is like going hunting without an accordian.
How did the French react to German reunification? They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the panzers.
A man askes his companion, "What's the most common French expression"? His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I give up!"
Why is good to be french? You can surender at the begining of the war, and US will win it for you.
Q. How many German and Frenchmen died in World War II????
A. Not Enough.
The French; they are a funny race, they fight with their feet, and fuck with their face!
Why do we need France on our side against Sadamm and Osama? So the French can show them how to surrender.
What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead french man In the middle of the road? There's skid marks In front of the skunk.
Q. How many frenchman does it take to gaurd Paris?
A. Nobody knows, its never been tried before
What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? The Army.
Q.How do you castrate a frenchmen???
A.Kick his sister in the jaw.
Why do frenchmen always were yellow tyes?
A. to match the teeth
Whats the best place to hide your money?
A. under the soap of a frenchman
Q. how can you tell if a frechmen has been in your backyard?
A. your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant!
Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
Q. What do you do if you see 90,000 dead french-men?
A. Stop laughing and re-load!!
Q. What do you call 20 dead frenchmen in the back of a lorry.
A. A good days hunting.
Q. What do you do if you drive over a French man?
A. REVERSE!
Did you hear about the Frenchman who lost his licence to practice medicin? He was caught having sex with some of his patients. It's a shame, he was by far the best vet in town.
What do you get if you see a Frenchman up to his neck in sand? Get more sand.
Q. Why do French men have moustashes?
A. To remind them of their mothers.
Q. How long does it take a french woman to have a poo?
A. 9 months
Its best to learn French so you can make fun of them before you kill them.
Why wasn't Jesus born in france? Because they couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.
Q. How do you brainwash a Frenchman?
A. Fill up his boots with water
Q. Is it rude to call a Frenchman a frog?
A. Yes, it is unfair to amphibians.
Q. Why do the French cook with lots of garlic?
A. To improve their breath.
Q. Wy don't the French want to bomb Saddam Hussein?
A. He hates America, he loves mistresses and he wears a beret. He is French
Q. How do you kill a Frenchman?
A. Slam the toilet seat down when he's getting a drink.
The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.
Q. Why do the French use a lot of bleach on their sheets?
A. So you can see their white flags better.
The French are to warfare what the British are to cooking
You really do have to hand it to the French...After all, they won't fight for it.
Q. What happens when a Frenchman doesn't pay his garbage bill?
A. They stop delivering.
Q. How do you ruin a French party?
A. Flush the punch bowl.
Q. Why did the Frenchman sell his water skis?
A. He couldn't find a lake with a hill in it.
Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. All of them: One to screw the bulb in, the rest to brag about how great the French are at screwing.
Did you know the toothbrush was invented by the French?
If it had been invented by anyone else it would have been called the Teethbrush.
Q: when was the last good french barbecue?
A: 1431, and it involved Joan of Arc
Q: Why don't the French Barbeque?
A: The snails keep slipping between the grills.
Q: How do you get a French waiter's attention?
A: Start ordering in German.
Q: What's the difference between France and Quebec?
A: Quebec has prettier women and colder beer.
Q: Why do the French like smelly cheeses?
A: Well, in a room full of French people, you can't really smell the cheese.
"A Frenchmen's home is where another man's wife is." - Mark Twain -1878-79 Journal
"There is nothing lower than the human race...except for the French." - Mark Twain 1878-79
"French history: They turn on their friends and surrender to their enemies!"
I got a tip for you , if you install the french versions of your favorite programs, THEY RUN A LOT FASTER
The makers of French's Mustard made the following recent statement: "We at the French's Company wish to put an end to statements that our product is manufactured in France. There is no relationship, nor has there ever been a relationship, between our mustard and the country of France. Indeed, our mustard is manufactured in Rochester, NY. The only thing we have in common is that we are both yellow".
Why wouldn't the Statue of Liberty work in France? Because she has only one arm raised.
Q. How do you stop a French tank?
A. Say "boo"
How do you separate the men from the boys in France? With a crowbar.
Hey ! Do you know what's the difference between a Frenchman and a chimpansee ? - One of them is hairy, stinky, and scratches his ass all the time. The other is a chimpansee.
Why do the french get more votes in the U.N. They vote with both hands
Q. What is the difference between a frenchwoman and a basketball team?
A. The basketball team showers after 4 periods.
The Surgeon General got a new law passed: all cigarette boxes must have a picture of a French guy on it.
Q. How many jokes are there about the French?
A. One, the rest are true
What is the french peoples favorite movie? the running man
During WW2, the French resistance fighters, in their finest hour, bravely threw sticks of dynamite at the advancing German troops. The Germans then lit them and threw them back.
Q.What is the first thing the French teach their kids in school?
A.How to say "We Surrender" in German!
Q. Why don't cheesburgers sell well in France
A. Because they don't smell like crap.
When is it white laundry day in France? Never, any white laundry in france is already hung up on a stick being waved
Q. How many frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. One, because he holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him
Q. How do you confuse a French Soldier?
A. Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it.
Q. Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France
A.They do not know how to say "CHARGE!"
Q. What do women who are snipers in the French military use as camouflage?
A. Their armpits
Q. Whats the difference between a frenchmen and a bucket of shit?
A. The bucket
What do you call a french man killed defending his country? ... I don't know either, its never happened!
Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous Frenchmen? People were confused about which side to spit on.
"I just love the French. They taste like chicken!"
Q. Why do french people always wear yellow?
A. To match the color of their blood!
Why do the French never perform �the wave� at a soccer game? Because, that's a gesture reserved for use only in time of war.
Q. What does a French military alliance and a French romance have in common?
A. Both are brief, sordid, and completely meaningless.
Q. What's the difference between a Frenchman and a catfish?
A. One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish.
Q. What's the difference between a Frenchman and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline.
The French have only one actual fighting war hero, Joan of Arc, and they turned her over to the enemy!
Question: What English word has no equivalent in the French language?
Answer: Gratitude
Why does the French Navy suck? Because cardboard doesn't float!
Q. Since everyone knows that French men are gay, how come there are French children?
A. Because of the confusion caused by the fact that French women have mustaches!!
Q. Do you know why so many Europeans Immigrated to North America? A. To get as far away from the French as possible.
What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad? A salesman
What's the shortest book ever written? French War Heroes.
As read this on the back of a public restroom door. "Here I sit with my buns a'clenchin, giving birth to another Frenchman.
Q. What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training?
A. How to surrender in at least 10 languages.
Q. What is the most useful thing in the French Army?
A. A rearview mirror, so they can see the war.
Why does Nike like the French Army?
Because, in war time, they are the biggest buyers of running shoes.
Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 so wildly? It was their first time they won anything without the help of the U.S.
What's the difference between 1943 and 2003? This time around, the Vichy government is telling the German puppets what to do.
Q. Why do the French Smell?
A. So blind people can hate them too!
Q. Why do the french call their fighter the *Mirage*?
A. Because it doesn't really exist.
Q. Why don't the French eat M&M candies?
A. They're too hard to peel.
Going to war without the French on your side is like going hunting without an accordian.
How did the French react to German reunification? They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the panzers.
A man askes his companion, "What's the most common French expression"? His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I give up!"
Why is good to be french? You can surender at the begining of the war, and US will win it for you.
Q. How many German and Frenchmen died in World War II????
A. Not Enough.
The French; they are a funny race, they fight with their feet, and fuck with their face!
Why do we need France on our side against Sadamm and Osama? So the French can show them how to surrender.
What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead french man In the middle of the road? There's skid marks In front of the skunk.
Q. How many frenchman does it take to gaurd Paris?
A. Nobody knows, its never been tried before
What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? The Army.
Q.How do you castrate a frenchmen???
A.Kick his sister in the jaw.
Why do frenchmen always were yellow tyes?
A. to match the teeth
Whats the best place to hide your money?
A. under the soap of a frenchman
Q. how can you tell if a frechmen has been in your backyard?
A. your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant!
Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
Q. What do you do if you see 90,000 dead french-men?
A. Stop laughing and re-load!!
Q. What do you call 20 dead frenchmen in the back of a lorry.
A. A good days hunting.
Q. What do you do if you drive over a French man?
A. REVERSE!
Did you hear about the Frenchman who lost his licence to practice medicin? He was caught having sex with some of his patients. It's a shame, he was by far the best vet in town.
What do you get if you see a Frenchman up to his neck in sand? Get more sand.
Q. Why do French men have moustashes?
A. To remind them of their mothers.
Q. How long does it take a french woman to have a poo?
A. 9 months
Its best to learn French so you can make fun of them before you kill them.
Why wasn't Jesus born in france? Because they couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.
Q. How do you brainwash a Frenchman?
A. Fill up his boots with water
Q. Is it rude to call a Frenchman a frog?
A. Yes, it is unfair to amphibians.
Q. Why do the French cook with lots of garlic?
A. To improve their breath.
Q. Wy don't the French want to bomb Saddam Hussein?
A. He hates America, he loves mistresses and he wears a beret. He is French
Q. How do you kill a Frenchman?
A. Slam the toilet seat down when he's getting a drink.
The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.
Q. Why do the French use a lot of bleach on their sheets?
A. So you can see their white flags better.
The French are to warfare what the British are to cooking
You really do have to hand it to the French...After all, they won't fight for it.
Q. What happens when a Frenchman doesn't pay his garbage bill?
A. They stop delivering.
Q. How do you ruin a French party?
A. Flush the punch bowl.
Q. Why did the Frenchman sell his water skis?
A. He couldn't find a lake with a hill in it.
Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. All of them: One to screw the bulb in, the rest to brag about how great the French are at screwing.
