Jokes 2

Atheist: What’s this fly doing in my soup?
Waiter: Praying.
Atheist: Very funny. I can’t eat this. Take it back.
Waiter: You see? The fly’s prayers were answered.
 
The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety. "Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses."

"Warehouses?" the private shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!"
 
Ga-Ga-Circus-Tent.jpg


Artist's impression of this latest Japanese venture:


Dow Jones reports that the latest scheme to come out of TEPCO is to cover Fukushima with a giant tent......:D
 
The Doctor's jovial attitude changed very quickly as I showed him the nasty rash on my cock.

"For God's sake man!," he said, "My wife and I are still eating! Book an appointment at the Surgery and I'll see you there!"
 
Quote from flytiger:

I go to the VA, and with the cutbacks, they don't have the best equipment. After you get the demerol, they tape this cable to the back of a gerbil. Then, they grab your hand, put a pen in it and scribble across the consent form. The final step is, they open your mouth, and wave a tongue depressor with a gob of peanut butter on it. Insert gerbil, and walla! The picture moves really fast, but it's over in a minute. And you're so hungry, when you wake up, you get the peanut butter if you can beat the gerbil to it.
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I forgot to mention. If you were an officer, they file the little claws.
 
Quote from fhl:

A guy I know just started his own business in Afghanistan. He's
making land mines that look like prayer mats.


It's doing well. He says prophets are going through the roof.
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Good one!!
 
EXERCISE FOR TRADERS

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags. Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag...

:) :) :)
 
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