Jokes 2

The difference between Theory & Practice

Theory is when you think you know something but it doesn't work.

Practice is when something works but you don't know why.

Usually we combine theory and practice: nothing works and we don't know why.
 
I'm always coming up various theories on things but trying to have an intellectual conversation with my new wife is a nightmare.

Everytime I try to discuss a new theory, all she can say is, "Umm sucky sucky five dolla'?"
 
I going to sell balloons for $1.00 each or if you want them blown up it's $1.50.

I've adjusted the price to allow for inflation.

:D
 
My friend invited me along to a bukkake party last week, I wasn't quite sure what one was, so he explained that it was a party where you all go dressed as women.

I was the only one who did though, it was great, I was the center of attention all night!
 
Usually I don't like to get personal but "I'll make an exception".

When I worked for the post office, at one house a big dog came growling at me, a woman opened the window, and called out, "You'll be OK, just kick his balls..."

...So I gave the mutt an almighty boot in balls, dropping it to the ground.

"No, no!" she shouted, "The ones on the front lawn"
 
quote of the day.

"Nuclear energy is just as safe as U.S. currency"

News of the day:

Woman waits in line for 41 hours to be first in line for the new iPad, then sells spot in line for $900 which she uses to buy Lady Gaga tickets.


( this posts a twofer)
 
"While running for president as a senator from Illinois, Obama raised a record $750 million to win the 2008 election."

Sheesh...the dollar is worth less than I thought.
 
I'm not very good at magic but in a last-ditch attempt to stop my wife from running off with a magician who can pull a rabbit out of a hat, I pulled a hair out my ass.
 
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