Jokes 2

My wife was giving birth today.

The doctor and I were standing over her. He kept repeating: "Push! Push!"

I said: "I am, it's not going back in."
 
As I looked out from the classroom, watching my students play Hide & Seek I suddenly realised it was getting late.

"Hey!" I shouted, "It's break time. This week's lesson in French Culture has finished."
 
I must have a face gay men love, because they're constantly hitting on me. I always end up having to beat them off with a stick.

It's not as effective as a handjob, mind you, but it get's them there.
 
Quote from nutmeg:

I must have a face gay men love, because they're constantly hitting on me. I always end up having to beat them off with a stick.
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This is like crossing the street against the light, looking up, and realizing you can't get out of the way. Last thing you say is, "OH, NO".

Then, you read the punch line.

About the face thing. Put your dick back in your pants, zip up, and see if they go away.
 
The DNDN board on IV is filled with great guys, many who have lost friends, family, loved ones, or are suffering themselves. This post today from someone who is afflicted.

I had a good 6 month check up at my doc's. He gave me a year to live. I picked 2036.

That's every bit as good, if not better, than OscarWilde's deathbed observation - either this wallpaper goes, or I do.
 
Computerese

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:) :) :)
 
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