TSA bumper sticker:
Handling more junk than eBay!
Handling more junk than eBay!
Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
Definitions:
ADULT
A person who has stopped growing at both ends
and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR
A place where women curl up and dye.
CHICKENS
The only animal you eat before they are born
and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF
Cold Storage.
INFLATION
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO
An insect that makes you like flies better.
SECRET
Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE
The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN
An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES
Something other people have....similar to my character lines.
OLD
I very quietly confided to my friend that I was having an affair. She turned and looked at me: "Oh, that's marvellous, dear. And, who's the caterer?"!!!
ADULT
A person who has stopped growing at both ends
and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR
A place where women curl up and dye.
CHICKENS
The only animal you eat before they are born
and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF
Cold Storage.
INFLATION
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO
An insect that makes you like flies better.
SECRET
Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE
The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN
An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES
Something other people have....similar to my character lines.
OLD
I very quietly confided to my friend that I was having an affair. She turned and looked at me: "Oh, that's marvellous, dear. And, who's the caterer?"!!!
Bill and Ted were stranded in the desert for days, crawling across the hot sand till both were at deaths door, when Ted sniffed the air. (sniff)
Bill to you smell that?
What?
That smell,..... it smells like bacon.
Bill sniffs the air, Yeah! I smell it!
Both with a new sense of energy crawl up the final sand dune and look out. Both gaze upon a tree loaded with every type of imaginable treat a pig could give, strips of bacon, pork chops, you name it, it was there.
Bill we are saved it's a bacon tree!
Ted that's no bacon tree it's a mirage.
What, when did you ever hear of a mirage that smelled like bacon?
With that Ted using his last bit of energy gets up and runs for the tree. When he gets about 10 feet from it, gun shots ring out, bullets tear through Ted's body.
Laying there dying, with his last breath, he yells out for his friend.
Bill, Bill, don't come, it's no bacon tree.
it's
it's
a ham bush.
Bill to you smell that?
What?
That smell,..... it smells like bacon.
Bill sniffs the air, Yeah! I smell it!
Both with a new sense of energy crawl up the final sand dune and look out. Both gaze upon a tree loaded with every type of imaginable treat a pig could give, strips of bacon, pork chops, you name it, it was there.
Bill we are saved it's a bacon tree!
Ted that's no bacon tree it's a mirage.
What, when did you ever hear of a mirage that smelled like bacon?
With that Ted using his last bit of energy gets up and runs for the tree. When he gets about 10 feet from it, gun shots ring out, bullets tear through Ted's body.
Laying there dying, with his last breath, he yells out for his friend.
Bill, Bill, don't come, it's no bacon tree.
it's
it's
a ham bush.
What? No Seatbelt?
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Woman goes to the Vet.
Mein Hans, He not hear like he once did. He almost got hit by car yesterday. He could not hear the autos horn!!!! Mein Gott!!!!
Vet says, "he just has too much hair in his ears. Just go to the drug store, and get a dipilatory - you know, like Nair".
Woman goes to the druggist, asks for a bottle of Nair. The druggist warns her:
"when you use this on your legs, rub some lotion on them immediately,because this stuff stings"
Ach, du Liebe. I not use it on my legs.
"Oh",says the druggist. "well, when you use it underarm, don't use deodorant right away. Because that will really hurt."
"Nein. I vill not use it under arm. I intend to use it on meine Schnauzer!!!"
"Oh. Then you better stay off your bicycle for a couple days."
Mein Hans, He not hear like he once did. He almost got hit by car yesterday. He could not hear the autos horn!!!! Mein Gott!!!!
Vet says, "he just has too much hair in his ears. Just go to the drug store, and get a dipilatory - you know, like Nair".
Woman goes to the druggist, asks for a bottle of Nair. The druggist warns her:
"when you use this on your legs, rub some lotion on them immediately,because this stuff stings"
Ach, du Liebe. I not use it on my legs.
"Oh",says the druggist. "well, when you use it underarm, don't use deodorant right away. Because that will really hurt."
"Nein. I vill not use it under arm. I intend to use it on meine Schnauzer!!!"
"Oh. Then you better stay off your bicycle for a couple days."