Jokes 2

In three weeks time people in California will vote on whether to legalize marijuana.

In three weeks and one day thousands of stoners will be saying, "Fuck, that was yesterday we were supposed to vote?"
 
Quote from nutmeg:

So I was out the backyard mowing the dog shit and kids toys and accidently ran over some grass...
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reminds me of the other day when i was kicked back sippin a cold one and watching my girlfriend... except there was alot of grass
 
Quote from nutmeg:

My optician has raised his prices.

He claims to have remodeled the waiting room but no one can tell.
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Everybody in my town is scared to say anything wrong to the local optician.

He's got contacts.
 
I got an 800 call this morning (gees I was fast on my feet with this one)

"Hello Nutmeg, I'm not asking for a donation, what I am asking if you would consider mailing an invitation to 15 of your neighbors seeking a donation for cancer research"

Me: "My neighbors hate me"

"I'm sorry to hear that".

(In my best jerky boy voice) I said, "My neighbors are a bunch of jealous pricks".

Another "I'm sorry".

I said "Look, if I mailed these out, my neighbors would throw them away or make snide comments to me when they see me in the store".

The guy on the other end of the phone is dead silent.

Now I lower my voice and quietly say, "It truly is a sad day for you and me."

He said, "Well, thanks for your time."
 
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