Jokes 2

CIA Was Recruiting Killers

After all exams and tests, there remained three candidates (two men and one NOW woman). Now it's time for the final test. Agent took first man inside a room with a big metal door. Handed him a gun and said:
- We must be sure that you will carry out our instructions under any circumstances. Your wife is sitting inside this room. You have to kill her.
- I can't hurt my wife - the candidate said.
- So you are not suitable for this work - the agent replied.

The second men got the same instructions. Grabbed the gun and entered the room. There was silence. After five minutes he went out and said with tears in his eyes:
- I cannot kill my wife.
- You are not suitable. Take your wife and return home.

Now it's time for the NOW woman. They told her only that her husband must die. The milf woman grabbed the gun and entered the room. They heard shots. After a while they heard screaming and loud bangs. After several minutes it was very quiet. The door opened and there appeared the NOW woman. She wiped sweat from her face and said:
- You didn't tell me, guys, that you loaded blank bullets to this gun. I had to kill him using a chair.
 
Give a man a fish and feed him for a day

Teach a man to phish and feed him and the rest of the Nigerian royal family for a lifetime.
 
My teenage son came in very late the other day and told me that he had been over a girls house 'studying' apparently.
He quickly noticed the food that was on the table, he ate the food and said ''dad these fishcakes are great!''
I just laughed and replied ''Wash your hands son they're fucking donuts!''
 
Quote from nutmeg:

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day...
More...
Bring a man near the fire, and he'll be warm for a few minutes... Set a man on fire and he'll be very hot for the rest of his life... :)
 
Quote from nutmeg:

My teenage son came in very late the other day and told me that he had been over a girls house 'studying' apparently.
He quickly noticed the food that was on the table, he ate the food and said ''dad these fishcakes are great!''
I just laughed and replied ''Wash your hands son they're fucking donuts!''
More...

What is amazing is that you and Yannis frequent the same thread.
 
I had this amazing cab driver, he was driving a yellow cab, and he was whistling and smiling.

He was clearly having an amazing time.

He said, "I love my job - I'm my own boss, nobody tells me what to do."

I said, "Take a left here."
 
Today’s Ten Funnies

~ Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
~ I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you!
~ Are there any unguided missiles?
~ What if there were no hypotheticals?
~ Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
~ I’m not really this tall… I’m sitting on my wallet!
~ When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.
~ You’re lyin’ like a no-legged dog!
~ Marriages don’t last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with? — Rita Rudner
~ Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. — George Carlin

:) :) :)
 
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