Jokes 2

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

I seem to remember posted that joke about 2 years ago !
Well no matter - its still funny and it's just given me an idea for a new adventure sport

score 1 point for a direct hit peeing from a balloon
score 2 points for a direct hit with a turd !
plus 1 point for every 100 feet of altitude

:D
 
Quote from nutmeg:

2 women are out playing golf when one of them slices the ball into the group of spectators leaving a bloke doubled up on the ground clutching his balls.

She runs over to him and asks if he's ok.

"Give it five minutes and I should be ok"

She unzips him and starts sucking his cock asking "Is that better?"

"Aye" says the bloke "But my thumb still hurts"
More...

Woman golfer runs into the proshop. She screams, "a bee bit me between the first and second hole."

Pro says, "your stance is too wide."

Http://www.instantrimshot.com
 
An American Indian was told he was going to die of a rare Indian disease. He decides that since he's never "been with" a woman, that he would travel to Nevada, and pay for one.

He walks in and says, "me want um woman."

The madam says, "you have money?" He said no.

She asked, "do you know how then?" He said no.

She tells him, "go up to this tree outside with the knot hole in it, and practice until you have the money." He agreed.

Three weeks later the Indian walks back in and says, "me want um woman! Have money, and me know how now."

The madam takes him up the winding staircase to her prettiest girl, and leaves them together. As she's walking down the stairs she hears the girl screaming at the top of her lungs.

The madam runs up the stairs, throws open the door, and to her horror, the indian man had a stick in the womans vagina, and was holding a flashlight looking inside.

The madam screams, "what the hell are you doing?!?!?" The indian replies, "this time me make sure no bees in this one!"

:D :D :D
 
Quote from RCG's Girl:

"you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."
More...
It's an interesting attitude to the republician, Have no idea with this LOL
 
"Doctor, my back hurts as I walk!"
"Don't walk!"

"Doctor, my eye hurts every time I sip tea!"
"Take the spoon out of the cup first!"

"Doctor, every time I get up after a sleep I feel dizzy for half an hour, then I'm all right."
"Then wait for half an hour before getting up".

"Doctor, my whole body hurts: here (touches his elbow) and here, and here, and here, and here... and here..."
"You have a broken finger!"

"Doctor, my wife's contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?"
"No, you idiot, this is her husband!'

:) :) :)
 
Read more: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/busine...ployment_C61slEAbjEOYcE6C2WHE9N#ixzz0xcZICBgo

My oldest daughter is getting married in May, so I finally get to ask a question that has been perplexing me for years: Why do restaurants charge so much more for weddings than they would if you just showed up for dinner?

Really, if I called up a restaurant, told them we were coming to dinner on a certain night and would have 200 guests wouldn't we be able to order off the more extensive regular menu at everyday prices? Wouldn't the owner be thrilled just to have so many customers?

A regular meal in New Jersey is, what, $50 tops? A wedding meal -- choices of beef, chicken or fish -- goes for $150 to $200 a person.

OK, booze would add to a regular restaurant bill -- maybe an average of another $20 per person if people were trying to get silly.

To test my theory I recently asked the proprietor of the Grand China Buffet in Eatontown, NJ, how much he'd charge for a wedding. The guy didn't seem surprised at my inquiry (he said they'd had weddings before) and pointed to a sign that said you can eat all you want for $21.

He serves six different types of shrimp, crabs, sushi and has a carving station for filet mignon.

He could put a nice little dance floor over by the Pepsi vending machine. The bride and groom can zig zag around the steam tables.

Yes, I brought the subject up with my daughter (with whom I have a good relationship -- at least until now.) While she didn't seem impressed by the financial arguments, her fiancé, Rob, might still be swayed. (He's a big fan of Alaskan crab legs, also on the menu.)
 
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