Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
Barry's watched a few Clint Eastwood movies and he's talking all tough now. Here are his top Tuff Enough lines, courtesy of IMAO:
TOP TEN BARACK OBAMA TOUGH GUY LINES
10. âSee what I have on here? These are my ass-kicking pants. Stop calling them mom jeans.â
9. âTime to open a can of whupass! â¦Oh, but not this can; it isnât certified organic.â
8. âI am here to kick ass and chew arugula, and Iâm all out of arugula because of the high prices at Whole Foods.â
7. âLet me be clear: Your ass is mine!â
6. âGot your organic whupass now, but itâs in a jar, not a can. Time to open it! Errrr⦠Hmm, let me just run it under some hot water and pound it against a counter a few times and then itâs whupass!â
Read the rest at http://www.imao.us/index.php/2010/06/top-ten-barack-obama-tough-guy-lines/
TOP TEN BARACK OBAMA TOUGH GUY LINES
10. âSee what I have on here? These are my ass-kicking pants. Stop calling them mom jeans.â
9. âTime to open a can of whupass! â¦Oh, but not this can; it isnât certified organic.â
8. âI am here to kick ass and chew arugula, and Iâm all out of arugula because of the high prices at Whole Foods.â
7. âLet me be clear: Your ass is mine!â
6. âGot your organic whupass now, but itâs in a jar, not a can. Time to open it! Errrr⦠Hmm, let me just run it under some hot water and pound it against a counter a few times and then itâs whupass!â
Read the rest at http://www.imao.us/index.php/2010/06/top-ten-barack-obama-tough-guy-lines/
So, I interviewed for a sales position the other day with the big boss himself.
"These are tough times for the company," he says. " We are barely breaking even on a daily basis. So I would like to emphasize how important it is to keep our costs down with austere measures and some creativity in order to hold down our cash-burn rate".
"Say no more sir, " I replied. " I know about managing costs. I have a 250lbs tub-of-lard of a wife, unemployed and at home
all day who could manage to convert $500 worth of groceries into methane on a weekly basis if it weren't for my creative measures."
"How do you manage to accomplish that," he asked.
I said, " I told the bitch I would shave 2 hours from her free time out of the basement so she'd have only 30 minutes available to eat something."
" You are hired," he proclaimed. " Just don't bring your wife to the christmas party."
"These are tough times for the company," he says. " We are barely breaking even on a daily basis. So I would like to emphasize how important it is to keep our costs down with austere measures and some creativity in order to hold down our cash-burn rate".
"Say no more sir, " I replied. " I know about managing costs. I have a 250lbs tub-of-lard of a wife, unemployed and at home
all day who could manage to convert $500 worth of groceries into methane on a weekly basis if it weren't for my creative measures."
"How do you manage to accomplish that," he asked.
I said, " I told the bitch I would shave 2 hours from her free time out of the basement so she'd have only 30 minutes available to eat something."
" You are hired," he proclaimed. " Just don't bring your wife to the christmas party."
An unemployed man with a lisp goes for a sales job selling toothbrushes. There are five openings and five thousand applicants. At the intereview he is asked how he's going to sell more then anyone else.
"Well, ith kind of complicated but leth make a deal; you pay me no money in thalary and juth commithon on toothbrutheth. OK?"
Sure! Let's see what you can do. They give him 500 toothbrushes and he heads off. He goes to the airpot and confronts people as they're picking up their luggage and leaving the terminal. He sets up a table just outside with a sign "Free chips and dip".
Starving customers who can't even get a bag of peanuts these days on a flight line up in hoards. They all fight over the chips and dip and start hollaring "God dammit; this tastes like shit!"
He says "It ith. Would you like to buy a toothbruth?"
"Well, ith kind of complicated but leth make a deal; you pay me no money in thalary and juth commithon on toothbrutheth. OK?"
Sure! Let's see what you can do. They give him 500 toothbrushes and he heads off. He goes to the airpot and confronts people as they're picking up their luggage and leaving the terminal. He sets up a table just outside with a sign "Free chips and dip".
Starving customers who can't even get a bag of peanuts these days on a flight line up in hoards. They all fight over the chips and dip and start hollaring "God dammit; this tastes like shit!"
He says "It ith. Would you like to buy a toothbruth?"