Jokes 2

[nutmeg]

(Steven Chu is our Secretary of Energy.)


Chu has advocated making the roofs of buildings and the tops of roads around the world white or other light colors, which could possibly reflect a lot of sunlight back into space and significantly mitigate global warming.
----------------

Once you go black you never go back.

 

[nutmeg]

Quote from nutmeg:

I once worked as a comedian at the local Alzheimer's society club, they liked my first joke so much I told it again and again and again.

In fact I told it 26 times.


After the show, this old bloke said to me, "I don't know how you remember them all!"

Yeah yeah yeah, I know yuose guys are wondering what was that joke I told 26 times.

(drum roll....)

I'd rather have parkinsons and spill half my beer than have Alzheimers and forget where i placed it.

 

[Yannis]

Quote from nutmeg:

...I'd rather have parkinsons and spill half my beer than have Alzheimers and forget where i placed it.

You can say that again...

 

[Yannis]

Which reminds me the old classic:

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy..."

 

[nutmeg]

The missionary said to the Chief of an African tribe 'What do you do each day'

The Chief answered 'We hunt and we fuck'

The misionary said 'What do you hunt'

The Chief said 'Anything we can fuck'

 

[nutmeg]

Last month Iran's central bank governor hinted at a move away from the euro.

What a bunch of nice guys.

 

[mgookin]

Third grade joke

What starts with F and ends in UCK?











.






















Firetruck!

Another one....but from sixth grade...

What's long and hard and full of semen?






.











A submarine!

 

[fhl]

Joe Biden was telling one of his grandchildren about the duties of a president.
He said " a president really doesn't have to do anything. All there is to it is just standing around doing nothing and pretending to be important."

Grandson: "why did you get fired as vice president?"

Joe: "the president thought I looked too presidential."

 

[nutmeg]

I'm in a nursing home now, my son comes to visit me and asks how I likes the place.

"I love it"

"They treat you with such respect, for example, that old guy over there, he hasn't practiced medicine in 15 years but they still call him Dr. Hanson.

And that bald guy in the corner, he left the army 35 years ago but they still call him Major Smith.

Me, i haven't had sex in 20 years and they still call me "that fucking Nutmeg""

 

[flytiger]

Quote from mgookin:

Third grade joke

What starts with F and ends in UCK?
Firetruck!

Another one....but from sixth grade...

What's long and hard and full of semen?A submarine!

I'll give you an actual third grade joke from about the late fifties, maybe 1960. Sammy Davis Jr. had hooked up with the Swedish blonde, Mae Britt. Remember, at the time, that was scandalous. The joke was, and this is as historical a reference as it is a joke, "what's black, and comes in May(e)?"

Look it up.