Jokes 2

To spice up our sex life, the Missus suggested we tried wife swapping.

I enjoyed it at first, but it lost its charm when I realised you had to fucking swap back
 
Quote from nutmeg:

While I was asleep, my girlfriend decided to wake me by giving me head.

According to her, me mumbling, 'Dad not now' wasn't the reaction she was looking for.

I am now single and in therapy
More...

Since you're done with her, can I have her phone number?
 
A guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender. The
robot says,
"What will you have?" The guy says,
"Martini." The robot brings back
the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's
your IQ?" The guy
says, "168".. The robot then proceeds to talk
about physics, space
exploration and medical technology. The guy leaves, but he
is curious,

so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says,
"What will you
have?" The guy says, "Martini". Again, the
robot makes a great
martini, gives it to the man and says, "What's
your IQ?" The guy says,
"100." The robot then starts to talk about
NASCAR, Budweiser and John
Deere tractors. The guy leaves, but finds it very
interesting, so he
thinks he will try it one more time.

He goes back into the bar. The
robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says,
"Martini", and the
robot brings him another great martini. The robot then
says, "What's
your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50." The
robot leans in real close
and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for
Obama?"
 
You're goin to the moon, Alice!

<img src="http://i248.photobucket.com/albums/gg187/batdudexjill/family-guy.gif" />


Whoah! You knew it was gonna happen someday.
 
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
 
A captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?" The sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, we have the camel." The captain said, "Well, if it's good for morale, then I guess it's all right with me." After he had been at the fort for about 6 months, the captain could not stand it anymore, so he told his sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!" The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captain's quarters. The captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and was buttoning his pants he asked the sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"

The sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town."
 
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