Jokes 2

Sudden Fashion Sense

A construction worker is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing a very fancy earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a very conservative fellow and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.”

So he walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings!”

“Don’t make a big deal, it’s only a little thing,” the other guy replies sheepishly.

“How long have you been wearing one?”

“Ever since my wife found it in my truck...”

:) :) :)
 
“New York Yankees team ownership revealed Tuesday that the phrase “Yankees suck,” one of the most popular chants in sports, was trademarked by the 27-time World Series champions prior to the 1996 season, a business strategy that has earned the team close to $100 billion over the past 13 years.

U.S. Patent and Trademark Office records show that every time an individual chants, shouts, or writes the words “Yankees suck,” the New York Yankees organization earns at least $2.15, an amount that escalates depending on repetition, volume, and whether the phrase was used during a national broadcast.

“If you multiply that $2 by 13 years of chants, hundreds of sellout games in opposing teams’ stadiums, and the hundreds of millions of people who hate the Yankees, you can see that this was a brilliant financial tactic,” Yankees managing general partner Hal Steinbrenner said during a televised press conference at the team’s spring training facility.

“Where do you think we get the money to keep Mariano Rivera here? Or sign a bust like Carl Pavano without making the slightest dent in our bank account?”

“You know what? Why don’t you all join me in a ‘Yankees suck’ chant right now. Come on, you know you want to,” Steinbrenner added. “Yankees suck! Yankees suck! Yankees suck! That’s another $9 million right there.”
 
"Fuck the Yankees," said Boston resident and Red Sox season-ticket holder George Donaldson, who in the last month has lost the funds necessary to buy groceries and pay his mortgage while the Yankees earned the money they will need to lure Jason Bay away from the Red Sox and bring in high-caliber starting pitchers Cliff Lee and Roy Halladay. "Fuck them right in the ass."
 
Yankees-Suck.article_large.jpg
 
How to Cook a Turkey

Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out...

:) :) :)
 
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