Jokes 2

[Pension_Admin]

 

[Pension_Admin]

 

[Pension_Admin]

 

[nutmeg]

We just got a new dog and my wife was amused because he's taken to humping one of her old handbags.

'Why does he keep humping the same battered bag for?' She laughed.

'I'm not sure' I answered.

'I ask myself that very question every fucking night.'

 

[howellpar]

Perfect Library for Limited Space:

NEGROS I'VE MET WHILE YACHTING
by Tiger Woods
______________________________ ________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan.
Forward by Michelle Obama
Illustrated by Michael Moore
______________________________ __________
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS &
HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton
______________________________ _________

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
by Hillary Clinton
______________________________ __
Sequel:
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton
______________________________ _____
MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE
by Osama Bin Laden
______________________________ _____
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates
______________________________ ______
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman
______________________________ ___
THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
by Al Gore & John Kerry
______________________________ _______

AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC

______________________________ _____
A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J. Kevorkian
______________________________ ____

ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED, BEFORE ....
by Ellen de Generes, Melissa Etheridge & Rosie O'Donnel
______________________________ ______

GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson
______________________________ ____

THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
______________________________ _________

MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O. J. Simpson
______________________________ ___________
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE OVER BRIDGES
by Ted Kennedy
______________________________ _____
MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton with introduction
by the Rev. Jesse Jackson
****************************** *************************

AND, JUST ADDED:
Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy!
By Nancy Pelosi

 

[nutmeg]

MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH HEDGIES

----Pat Byrne

COOKING WITH GREEN SHOOTS

--Ben Bernanke

THE AUDACITY OF TAXES

--Charlie Rangel

TRADES THAT WORKED

--Jim Cramer

HOW TO WIN IN THE GYM

-Dick Fuld

TANS AND MORTGAGE BANKING

--A. Mozillo

DAY TRADING AND GEEKS WITH FORMULAS

-- Warren Buffett

 

[fhl]

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico .
While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"

The cowboy said, "What the heck, bring me an order."

The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy."

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday."

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si,Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."

 

[nutmeg]

I remember thanksgiving back in the day, the last thing I did on wednesday evening was stock up the plungers in the hardware store. Friday was a big day for plungers.

 

[flytiger]

Quote from nutmeg:

MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH HEDGIES

----Pat Byrne

COOKING WITH GREEN SHOOTS

--Ben Bernanke

THE AUDACITY OF TAXES

--Charlie Rangel

TRADES THAT WORKED

--Jim Cramer

HOW TO WIN IN THE GYM

-Dick Fuld

TANS AND MORTGAGE BANKING

--A. Mozillo

DAY TRADING AND GEEKS WITH FORMULAS

-- Warren Buffett

The Good Taste Jokebook. Nutmeg

 

[orange_trad]

Quote from Lucrum:

Mohammed entered his classroom.

"What is your name?" asked the teacher.

"Mohammed".... answered the kid.

"We are in Australia and, there is no Mohammed.
From now on your name will be Bruce," replied the teacher.

In the evening, Mohammed returned home.
"How was your day, Mohammed?" asked his mother.
"My name is not Mohammed, I am in Australia and
now my name is Bruce."

"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to
disown your parents, your heritage, your religion?
Shame on you," and she beat him. Then she called the
father and he too beat him savagely.

The next day Mohammed returned to school. When the
teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked:
"What happened to you little Bruce?"

"Well, Miss, 2 hours after becoming Australian I was
attacked by two fuckin Arabs!..."

Three gypsies are working (LOL) at a construction site. One of them falls into the lime-pit. Starts yelling to the other two: pull me out!, pull me out!

The others say: Lookie, lookie! He's been a white man for 5 seconds, already he's trying to bitch us around...